Lost my wife, my best friend

My wife passed on April 25, 2017 of Uterine cancer after a roughly 4 year battle. We were married almost 16 years. Not only was she my wife, the love of my life, but also my best friend. She knew me better than anyone. The last year and a half has not been easy for myself or my daughter, but we make it through. She told me before she passed that she didn’t want me to spend he rest of my life alone, that I deserved to be happy. I at times just can’t seem to shake the feeling that I’m obligated to her, which I’ve been told by family and friends that that’s something that I need to try to let go of. I don’t do real well alone. I hate it, to be perfectly honest. I’ve considered dating, but fear the rejection that goes along with it. I need to relocate but of course can’t afford to at this time. I work out of my house, which is also where she passed, so I have to stare at the same four walls all day long, also attached to all the memories, both good and bad. Family is 800 miles north, which also doesn’t help, and friends are limited. My daughter thinks it’s easy to just go out and make new friends....easier said than done....part of me feels that I don’t deserve to be happy....as our marriage was a roller coaster before cancer changed everything. I owe my wife everything, and would have deserved it if she would have decided to leave, but she stayed because of our daughter and wanting to work things out. Again, I owe her everything. I am charged with looking after our daughter, who is now 19, and practically an adult, as she was forced to grow up faster than expected. At times I feel so lost, angry, a failure..... I just wish it was all a bad dream that I could wake up from.

 

Sorry to hear about your wife. I'm sure most family and friends mean well when they tell a person to "let go of it" or "move on" or "get over it". One thing that is certain is that you will never "get over it". You have a daughter who needs you, so that is something on which you need to focus. As far as dating again, that is a very personal thing. Some people seem ready 6 months later and some are never ready and feel that it would be a betrayal to their deceased mate. It can feel overwhelming when there are so many things to deal with in life. I feel that way too. All I can say is to try to prioritize and focus on one thing at a time.

 

Hi Edward 1 day at a time.I lost my best friend june 11 2018 .He was sitting beside me.Then he had a massive heart attack Went down to his man cave Had our 2 dogs down with him .Thought they were playing. Here he had a massive heart attack. .Dec 23 was our 25 anniv. I went out where we ate .And sat their ate his favorite food. Looked out the window and kept thinking what hit me. We also had a animal rescue. Our 2 dogs that were with him that night.The one got really ill aftear his dad died.Had to put our baby down. We think he had a stroke. So i lost my hubby.Lost my rescue and my home. I could not stay their.Kept seeing him laying their. Kept going over all the what if i did this are that.Could not eat sleep you name it. Eveyday is a sorrow .Cant believe a new year is comeing. And everything we worked so hard is gone. You wonder where everyone went.Everyone has great advice. Then they go home to their families. I keep busy work out work. But everytime i look around i know they are not comeing back. When i finally sleep i wake up.Sit on my bed and ask god where do i go from here. I dont think i would ever get involed again. How can you when you lost your life. I dont think it will ever be the same. You just know you got to keep trying.And it is hard. Yes it is lonely.You are so used to wakeing up and see their smile. Now you wake up and they are not their . I dont wake up thinking about fights we had. I just remember the good times we shared. I always had a thought when my daughter died many years ago. That i wanted her to be in peace. I did not want her to know i was always crying.I guess it was something to help me with my pain. I buried her on a mothers day.Many years ago.I never forget my baby girl. My hubby was my best friend my animals become my children.They needed me .I needed them.At times i feel like i left them down. But i just could not keep liveing in home.Dont know what the new year will bring.This year i will never forget.But i will always try to remember the sweet times we had.Dont understand why this all happen. I was a wife a mom to all my 4 legged kids.And now its all gone. Just shows me how fast are world can change. All i can is 1 day at a time. Dont know what else to say. Its hard to be alone i understand. Just try and hang in their. Nothing will ever be the same. But i guess we are here for a reason. Always remember that they loved us. Im glad i had almost 25 years with him. You know he could make the best coffee in the world for me.A friend ask me if i ever try and make coffee like he did.I said yes but i allways throw it away.He just had that touch. Boy i miss all those good times. Sitting here haveing a good cry. Will never forget them.But i know they will want us to move forward.I hope we can find some peace this new year.

 

Hi Edward- I am brand new to this group. Why? Because this Valentine’s Day 2019 will mark the 10th anniversary of my husband’s death from an extremely rare form of eye cancer, and I still haven’t gotten “over it”. I guess we all have our reasons. I have to say I had a 23 year marriage that would have made anyone jealous. No regrets there. Now, almost 10 years later, I find myself lonely, but unable to move on. I try to fill my days with work and doting over my daughters and grandchildren. But it’s just not enough. My problem is that I still feel married, and just the idea of dating again makes me feel like I’m cheating. I don’t know if any of this information will help you. Just know that there are lots of folks struggling as well.