Lost my wife and soulmate 1 week ago

Discussion in 'Loss of Spouse' started by Jeffrey Wheeler, Dec 10, 2018.

  1. Jeffrey Wheeler

    Jeffrey Wheeler New Member

    Hello,

    My name is Jeff.

    I lost my loving and amazing wife just over a week ago. The story is quite amazing, and it is just so much that I do not even know where to start. She was an inspiration to myself and everyone and had a long fight with Kidney Disease and other chronic illness. I am only in my young 40s but the battle scars tell a different story. The last week has been the most intense of my life.

    People are bugging me to get a grievance counselor. Makes sense, however my situation feels a tad unique so I thought I might try something like this to find people that have been going through similar.

    Anyway, that's a start.

    Jeff
     
    Dangie likes this.
  2. Shawnee

    Shawnee Member

    I am so sorry, Jeff. I can not imagine your pain as each of our journeys are different.
    I lost my husband in May of this year to a heavy equipment accident at our cabin. Keep looking up each day, Jeff and be gentle with yourself. There is no rule book on this journey. Also, people will give you all kinds of advice. You do what your heart tells you and make your own decisions. I am actually not making any major decisions as I am still in such a fog from the shock still. I am so happy and blessed to have my faith. Please, Please take time to grieve.
     
    Dangie likes this.
  3. Jeffrey Wheeler

    Jeffrey Wheeler New Member

    Thank you Shawnee. I am really sorry for what you went through too. That sounds very shocking and sudden where mine was a long drawn out battle that came to an emotional end. I do not know which would be harder to bare.

    My mind is on fire with so many things it is hard to cope. Just hope I can get more than 3 hours sleep tonight.
     
  4. Shawnee

    Shawnee Member

    I hear you in the sleep. The first three months after my husbands death I ran on 4 hours of sleep a day and ran our business. I have no recollection of what I did during that time. All a blur. My kids at I have high functioning anxiety. I go nonstop. When I stop, the grief washes over me like I am a shipwreck! My home is so lonely and quiet.
     
  5. Shawnee

    Shawnee Member

    I take Tylenol pm to help me sleep. Not all the time. It is not habit forming. Helps some.
     
  6. Sciguy

    Sciguy Well-Known Member

    Sorry to hear about your wife. I am here due to the sudden passing of my mother in May. I know there are a number of people here who have lost spouses. Hopefully, some of them will reach out to you.
     
  7. ksteve

    ksteve Member

    Hi Jeff, lost my wife a month ago. She had fought back lymphoma 11 years ago but the chemo from that treatment gave her leukemia in 2017. She beat that back and had a stem cell transplant. All was find until October this year when her wbc spiked. The diagnosis was relapse. 30 days later she passed away. I don't have any magic pills for you and like you, I keep searching for them. The more stories about grief I read just confirms that others have these mixed feelings as well. There is not a day that goes by that I don't tear up. I can't get angry at my wife but I can certainly get angry at cancer and I do (quite often). I got lots of friends that want to "take me out to lunch" but the fact of the matter is, it doesn't help the feelings I have and the ache in my heart. I always put my smiley face on especially with my kids. Fact of the matter is I'm just plain hurting inside. I hoping time heals all (or at least some) but a huge part of me doesn't want to be healed. I almost feel like I'm suppose to feel like this . Christmas is just around the corner and I'll try my best to compose myself. When people ask me how am I doing, I just response "it's tough". I can't imagine being young like yourself and having to go through this. I'm in my mid 60's and feel like both my wife and myself have been screwed over. So ya, no quick fix. I was hesitant to even join this group but I will say, responding to others helps me as well. We'll both need to continue on this journey with memories and I hope that's enough to at least survive.
     
    Vas1959 likes this.
  8. Shawnee

    Shawnee Member

    I am so sorry for your loss as well. The part about being screwed over? I feel that too. My husband was 55! We were looking forward to retirement and had just purchased our dream cabin (nothing fancy but ours) on a lake. It was our dreaming spot. He was so excited it was finally ours and then passed away. It is so unfair. He worked hard his whole life. I am just so lost without him.
    All of our grief is different but not different. Like C.S Lewis said a part of us has been amputated!
     
    Dangie and Vas1959 like this.
  9. Shawnee

    Shawnee Member

    Jeff and Steve,
    I know I would have liked your wives; they were warriors and fought hard battles! And I admire you two for standing beside them! One day at a time. Sometimes just one minute at a time.
     
  10. Monica Barth

    Monica Barth Member

    . I feel like I’m in the same boat ! I’m sorry for you!
    Hi my husband 61 a truck driver passed two weeks ago . Never got to retire, never would our plans of having fun transpired. Nothing but doctors , hospitals, and sickness .
     
  11. Shawnee

    Shawnee Member

     
  12. Shawnee

    Shawnee Member

    H
    Hi Jeff, hope you are getting some sleep? Thinking of all of us here during the holidays. I just made it through a family gathering g in my husbands side. No tears until I got ready to leave. No one wanted to talk about my husband but one. I know they are hurting too. But I need to talk about him. So I did. Any ideas in how to make these holidays easier?
     
  13. JD630

    JD630 Member

    Jeff sorry for your loss. I lost my loving wife over a year ago. Hospice offered a grief support group meeting, and it was 8 of us that lost our spouses. When first offered I was skeptical but went to first meeting and it was the best thing for me. I felt so alone, but the group setting showed me that I wasn't. And for me I found more comfort from people (sometimes complete strangers) that had been thru a spousal loss than I did from friends and family. Friends meant well but unless they had a similar loss, they really didn't understand the range of emotions that someone who had lost a spouse recently.
     
  14. Mallorypm

    Mallorypm New Member

    Hi Jeff,
    I’m so sorry to hear about your loss of your wife. This is the first time I’ve been on this site. Oh I’ve been reading about others but when you wrote about grief counseling , and answers is YES. Please do it for yourself it will help.
    My husband just retired 2 years ago, and he got sick this year, and passed on Oct 28. My life stop, has changed, and I’m left with his dog. The doctors told him he had 18 month to live, 5 months later he’s gone. I’m so angry at the cancer, doctor.
    I’ve only gone for counseling 2 times so far but it helps being around other people going though the same thing.
    Today is Christmas and in many ways just another griefing day. My kids did a great job but I just wanted to be home. Why I don’t know.
    The counselor told me “Pam is ok to say NO” we are in the early stage of our loss. Take it one day at a time Jeff OK. I ask Santa for better sleep. 3-4 hour night just doesn’t cut it. Hope I get it tonight.
    Jeff you didn’t say if you have any kids?? I hope you do they are a blessing to have.
    Pam
     
  15. JD630

    JD630 Member

    Hi Shawnee I just had that conversation with my step daughter. It seems that some of the people that are hurting and don't talk about eventually drift away. I guess it is the easy way out to not talk and just pretend nothing happened--but that hurts the grieving spouse. I had a friend tell me that when his father passed away, his mother told him that all of their friends must have been their fathers friends because so many didn't communicate with her anymore after he passed. I have found comfort from complete strangers that have been thru a loss.
     
  16. Sonia Kobrin

    Sonia Kobrin Member

    Hi Jeff,

    So sorry for your loss. Remember everyone grieves differently. Give yourself some time before making any decisions. You will know when your ready for grieve counseling as well as other things. Take one day at a time. There will be a few steps forward and then a few steps backward. It is not an easy process but you will come thru it. My husband died in June. I thought I was doing well the first months. Prior to Thanksgiving I started having a hard time. Being able to write about my feeling and give other people support has been a help. Sonia
     
  17. pwee

    pwee New Member

    Hi, I just joined this site and I am not the most technical person in the world, so I hope I am doing this right. I can so relate to to what you are talking about. I lost my husband of 25 years in November of this year. He passed away so suddenly it still doesn't seem real to me. He went to work that morning (just like any other day) and by mid morning I got the call he had collapsed at work and was on his way to the hospital. He was only 50 years old. It is just not fair! We were supposed to grow old and gray together. I was not prepared to do this by myself. He is going to miss my daughters high school graduation this year. I miss him so much.
     
  18. Shawnee

    Shawnee Member

     
  19. Shawnee

    Shawnee Member

    The loss of a spouse is so life changing. I am so sorry for your loss and know how you feel. In the blink of an eye, our lives change forever! Thinking of you and your daughter.
     
  20. Sonia Kobrin

    Sonia Kobrin Member