Lost my soul mate at 38...anyone lose a spouse at a young age?

Discussion in 'Loss of Spouse' started by Chelle51, Dec 31, 2018.

  1. Chelle51

    Chelle51 New Member

    I'm wondering if anyone else on here has lost a spouse at a very young age. I'm only 38, and my husband passed away in October at 41. He was my soulmate and other half, and I imagined that we would be together forever. We were married for only seven short years, and it's hard to come to terms with the fact that he was taken from me so soon. He passed away from a neurological disorder similar to ALS, and the last couple of years were very difficult for us. I knew this was a possibility when I married him as he was already disabled when we met, but the love that we had for each other trumped all of that, and it was so worth it even knowing the possible outcome. Now that that distant possibility has become reality, it certainly doesn't make it any easier to accept. I'm left feeling cheated out of a lifetime of love and happiness, wondering what my future will hold, and trying to figure out how to move forward. As his disease progressed, it became necessary for me to become his full-time caregiver, which led to the loss of my job, as well. So now I find myself in an impossible situation trying to grieve, trying to heal, and also trying to support myself and find a job. Just wondering if anyone else can relate.
     
  2. Brian Hoy

    Brian Hoy Member

    Well" not 38 but me and my wife were 42. I loved/ love her so much. We met when we were 15 and had been together 29 years when she died. I'm not sure soulmate even describes our relationship. She was my best friend, and we spent all our time together and even worked together. She was my wife, lover, and best friend. I relate to everything you said and wish you didn't have to go through this. Because I wouldn't wish this kinda pain on anyone. If you feel like talking, I'm here to listen
     
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  4. I can relate. My husband was 47. He died 3 weeks ago this morning. He died suddenly and was in good health. I didn’t get to say anything to him. He was alone at home. I’m devastated. I’m so sorry for your loss.
     
  5. Brian Hoy

    Brian Hoy Member

    Im so sorry to hear about your husband! I know from my own experience that there's nothing I could ever say to provide any real comfort. But I'm hear to listen! I know I feel like the only people that even remotely understand how I feel are other "" widows/widowers"". I wish I could tell you it gets better but for me it really hasn't much. If uou want someone to talk to, just send me a message and I will get back to very soon. Thanks for writing me, because I need a friend as much as you do!
     
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  7. Thank you so much Brian. I’m here to listen and or talk too. I’m sorry for your loss. Thank tou for your message.
     
  8. Mike Anderson

    Mike Anderson Active Member

    My wife was 43 and we were heading to those days you dream about. We had plans for this year and now its all over for us. I miss her and at times I become so empty,and the feeling of a long life without my Isabel. I went to a group last night and I was the youngest man there and then it hit me so hard!!! I love her so much and miss her this cant be real. But it is and balancing these feelings. I dont to feel any one to fel like this!
     
  9. OFD_Josh

    OFD_Josh New Member

    I lost my wife 21 months ago. She was 30 years old. She had what we thought at the time was a minor heart condition which was being treated and seemed to be going away. One morning she went into cardiac arrhythmia and died in my arms. We have 3 young children (11 and twin 4 y/o). It’s hard to describe the emotions you go through when losing someone with so much life ahead of them and it gets cut short. Sometimes it doesn’t seem real...kind of like I expect her to come home one day. Sometimes I’m angry at her or myself or at God (the faith I had was completely shattered). I mostly just have an ache inside that wants to talk to her again. I dream about her sometimes...I wish I could more often. I don’t know if that’s normal...the unknown is a scary place and I’m living it everyday. I’m so grateful though that I got to spend 7 years with her and have 3 amazing children...I can see her through them.
     
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  10. Mike Anderson

    Mike Anderson Active Member

    I am feeling like that at time with anger with god. We had no kids but i feel happy and sad you can see her through your kids. My wife passed on christmas eve so yesterday made it 1 month. I went to support group the other night that was very moving I met pepole like me torn up. I think its ok to dream about her I like to see my wife to. I saw her two times it was quick but I hugged her so tight I felt her I know I did. I hope that your faith will return I am working on mine too
     
  11. Brian Hoy

    Brian Hoy Member

    Wow Mike! I thought I was reading my own post for a minute. Todays my wife's birthday and she should have been 45 today . Its been 18 months since she died but feels like it was yesterday. I think i been through every emotion, sometimes all of them in one day. But mostly its like I just still can't believe it. Were making plans and were getting to be an age where most of our kids would be grown up, and we were going to do so much! And the next day "" I m sitting here with no future. My wifes death was so hard for our kids and family , but i sit here utterly devastated. Ynow everyone else's life moves on but mine. I was always this big strong man that took care of everyone, but now I'm a babbling idiot. I cry everyday still and talk to no one except my 11 year old son that i never thought I would raise on my own. And everyone thinks i should be getting better but we were together nearly 30 years. I don't know anything else. So yeah man, i feel your pain and wish I could tell you it gets better but for me it really hasn't.
     
  12. OFD_Josh

    OFD_Josh New Member

    Mike, I am so sorry about Isabel. Losing her right at Christmas....that’s gut wrenching. My hands are shaking just typing this. I know what you are going through right now....I know Brian does too. I hope that you have some sort of support group that you can lean on (family, friends, counseling). The first few months just feels like a daze....at least for me it did. Sometimes I still can’t believe it. I wish that I could tell you it gets easier, but I haven’t found that to be the case. I’ve just gotten adjusted to the unknown life ahead. Luckily, for me I have my kids to keep me busy at home and work fills my weekdays. When you are alone is the toughest part...it gets lonely I know. One thing that really helped me was doing things to remember her. I wrote letters to her and my kids...saved them in a safe place so they can have them when they get older. I made slide shows and organized her pictures...we made our own stepping stones to place around her headstone. You’ll never be able to replace what you had, but you will always have the memories. Hold on tight buddy. I think one day, the only healthy way to move on is to let go. I haven’t gotten there yet and don’t know when that will be. I have read some different things about loss...and the recurring thing is forgiveness, be grateful for the time you had together, and letting go of the loss you suffered. Life is precious and you have many years to go. I hope for you, me, and everyone else that is wandering through darkness...maybe we can find a light at the end. Keep busy, stay healthy and find joy anyway you can.
     
  13. Joanna!

    Joanna! Member

    I am sorry for your loss. I lost my husband a few months before Christmas, and it was gut wrenching. The holidays just were so empty. I can't imagine losing him at Christmas. The loneliness is just unbearable. I was with him practically my entire adult life, and I just don't know how do be without him. The house is so quiet. He died in my arms in ICU. I got into his bed so I could hold him. I saw him take his last breath and his chest rose and fell. I saw the last pulse in his neck. And then he felt so far away. I still keep expecting him to come home. If you were to look around the house, you would think he still lived here. His toothbrush is still by mine. His razor sit's out on in the bathroom. My mother keeps volunteering to come and help me clean out his things, but I'm just not ready. On days I really miss him, I wear one of his big shirts. I especially like the long sleeve one. It may seem strange, but I feel like his arms are around me again. My mother lost her first husband, and she tells me it gets easier, but that hasn't been the case so far. The house is just so depressingly quiet. I miss his laughter.
     
  14. Mike Anderson

    Mike Anderson Active Member

    Thank you for sharing how you feel,and what is ahead for us. The loneliness is hard to bear. I do have a support group tonight there is a pot luck I am going to. I hope that you are getting some sort of help. I like the slide show and letter writing. Stay in touch I send you strength and compassion.
     
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  15. Mike Anderson

    Mike Anderson Active Member

    The same thing is happening to me. I see her hair brush and other items i leave it there it makes me feel like i am not here alone. Take your time move on and be comftable with how your home is. I hug isabels clothing to and i also think she is back in my arms. Thank you for sharing with me this is helpfull☺
     
  16. Joanna!

    Joanna! Member

    Thank you for your comment. My mother keeps trying to come and help me with my husband's things, but I'm just not ready. I wear his shirts around the house all the time. It's like I can still almost feel his arms around me.
     
    Mike Anderson likes this.
  17. Beccy

    Beccy Active Member

     
  18. Beccy

    Beccy Active Member

    Hi, I’m new to this. I too have lost my partner at a young age, he was 42 and I’m 37. I lost him to pneumonia following throat cancer. We were together for 18 years, I am completely devastated by his death and don’t know how to cope or handle this.
     
  19. Joanna!

    Joanna! Member

    Chelle, I'm so sorry you are going through so much. My prayers will be with you. I recently lost my husband, and I'm fifty. I thought we would grow old together. It's been about six months now, and I'm finally to the point where I can get done what I need to- like pay bills. I can't imagine going through this and trying to look for a new job. My husband, Glen, had a ruptured aorta and was in the hospital for almost a month before he passed. The thing is I thought he was getting better. The day before he died he was finally able to speak to me. We were discussing which long term care facility to go to and then I got the call that he had taken a turn for the worse. I still feel like he's not really gone in some strange way... like I'm waiting for a call.
     
  20. Beccy

    Beccy Active Member

    Hi my partner passed away on the 15th December 2018, and I’m completely lost without him. We were together for 18 years and I don’t know what to do now, I feel so alone and lost all the time.