Lost my Sister to covid-19

Hi Everyone

My name is Saurabh and I live in Cave Creek Arizona. About a month ago(05.15.2021) I lost my younger sister(Neha, 35) to covid-19. She has left a loving husband and a beautiful 6 year old daughter. She lived in India.
This pandemic has hit all of us some way or the other. For me, it has hit in the most brutal way I could ever imagine, taking away my sister from all of us. I was in the US when she was struggling with the virus at home and at hospital. She was 6 months pregnant. The sheer thought of helplessness and hopelessness while she was sick makes me feel very sad. I feel very very guilty about not travelling to India( I was scared for myslef that I might get the virus if I travel) and try to help her get though the sickness. How do I deal with this guilt.? I just cry, cry and cry more thinking about all this. I never got to say her Good-Bye. One moment she was there(alive on ventilator though) and another moment she was just gone.
My both parents are alive and it is so devastating for them to see this day when their beloved daughter is gone from this world. Being a elder brother I have a responsibility to take care of them. I have a responsibility to take take care of my sister's husband and their daughter too. But in all these responsibilities, my loss has been overshadowed. I know this might sound selfish but why a sibling loss is so underrated. I want to grieve too, cry, weep.
I have found this forum online and am seeking help from people who have gone through a similar loss.
Suggest me some support groups, some individuals whom I can talk to.

 

I am so sorry for your loss. I can hear the pain in you as you tell what happened. How terrible for you that you were so far away and are now blaming yourself. I understand the blame. For some reason we always want to blame someone and a lot of time it ends up being ourselves. You have come to a place where we all understand the depth of the pain of losing a close loved one.
Also on this site there is a chat room which is made up of live conversations via text. Most people are on in the early morning, but you can catch people there at other times of the day also.
Also check in your area for a Grief Share group. They meet together for about an hour and a half usually once a week or month. If you enter GriefShare in Google, you can enter the area where you live and find a group near you. Many groups are also meeting online because of Covid. If you need any help with this let me know.
If you click at the top of the page under 'See and Share Stories' it will take you to a list. You are already on the 'Loss Due to Covid 19' list, but you can also click on the 'Loss of a Sibling' group and connect with people with a similar loss.
Bless you and may God help and strengthen you as you continue your walk down this sad path of grief.
Chris