Lost My Older Brother Very Suddenly & Unexpectedly...

I lost my older brother in January 2018. It has been very difficult over the last sixteen months since we lost him. He left behind a young wife, an 8 year old and an 18 month old baby. I haven't sought out any kind of counseling as of yet but have been considering it. Now it's just me and my older sister. It still feels strange to just say "it's the two of us." We were always the three together...and now it feels like a part of my heart and soul died right along with him. Some days are better than others and life does continue to move on. But this is the first time I am reaching out to connect with others who lost a sibling very unexpectedly. My brother died in his home from flu-like symptoms. Every time I visit his home (where my sister-in-law and the kids still live) I feel like he'll just come walking around the corner with a big smile on his face like he always did. He always had the biggest grin, loved to laugh and was a prankster. So it feels like he'll just pop out one day and say, "Here I am!" Even writing this right now it makes my heart pound and a weight on my chest, like I can't breathe. I go and visit and put on a brave face for the kids and my sister-in-law, but I am extremely devastated even now. He was my only brother...my older brother...and I miss him terribly. I appreciate anyone who can offer solace and similar experiences so they know what kind of pain I am dealing with.

 

Hi Persephone.. I too lost my only brother.. My only sibling.. very unexpectedly in September 2018. He left behind a wife and two daughters ages 7 and 11. I haven't been to his house at all since he's been gone. I'm "friends" with my oldest niece on social media and I talk to her often and see her on video chat and stuff like that. I have been seeing a private counselor but I don't know if it's helping yet or not. To make things worse, 40 days after we lost him, we lost my mom too... maybe she couldn't handle burying her only son.. her first born.. I'm still trying to figure out how I'm supposed to move on without them. Trust me, I know the pain you are dealing with and anything I find that helps me deal with everything a little better, I will certainly share them with you. For now I tend to write to them a lot.. I tell them how much I miss them, I tell hem about my day.. I tell them pretty much everything I would tell them if they were still here... I hate that they are missing everything. I think that's what gets to me the most.. it isn't so much the past as it is everything that has yet to happen that they won't be here for.. My son is graduating high school in June.. He was not only the first grandchild but he is also the only grandSON. All my mom talked about was how she couldn't wait to watch him receive his diploma and now she isn't able to. It's hard because I don't know how I'm going to do it without her. THAT'S the hard part. Having to do everything without them. I have yet to learn how to do that.

I hope one day you can find a little bit of peace.. you are now in my thoughts...