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Lost my mom

Discussion in 'Loss of a Parent' started by San, Nov 20, 2018.

  1. San

    San Member

    I just lost my mom Oct 14th. She was my best friend, my confidant, my support, my shopping and lunch buddy. We've always been very close and she moved to be with me when I married. I have always been involved in her health and been worried of her dying since I was 18. A little over a year ago something changed cognitively and I had to move in with her. It's been hard putting in 130 hours per week. I wasn't able to stay in my home anymore and I was constantly running everything. Mom became my child (I have none). I would sometimes be overwhelmed and short with her and I feel terribly guilty about that. I also feel so bad I couldn't save her. I always intervened and we conquered every medical problem together for years. My husband I have always had difficulties and Mom use to be a support but was unable to in the last year. I thought I was going to be better prepared for this but I love and miss her so terribly. I'm pretty pessimistic about life without her. I really don't care very much about what happens to me.
     
  2. Sciguy

    Sciguy Well-Known Member

    Sorry to hear about your mother. I lost my mother suddenly in May. I have been caring for my father since, so I can relate to the stress of caregiving. I hope you find this site helpful - even if just to vent.
     
  3. San

    San Member

    Thank you
     
  4. San

    San Member

    I brought my mother's cat to my home and the very feels he is in kidney failure. I've been hydrating him and trying to keep him warm and comfortable. The cat has been like my own cat since we got him nine years so and I feel so awful just after losing my mom.
     
  5. San

    San Member

    We lost our little baby Moca (my mom's cat - she died in Oct) who we had for years today. He was a precious little boy. I hope he is with mom. Brought him to three vets and they all said the same thing. My husband andI have been balling our eyes out.
     
  6. Cathy Tumlin

    Cathy Tumlin Member

    I'm so sorry to hear this. I lost my Mom recently, too and know exactly how you feel. I understand feeling that you don't care about yourself, but please remember that other people DO care about you! Many people came to me at the funeral and after and said to call them if I need anything. I am seriously thinking about asking one or more of them to lunch just so I can vent a little and get some of these thoughts out of my head. Why don't you do that, too? I have found in other bad times of my life that speaking your pain out loud to a good listener can help. If nothing else, say it to yourself in front of a mirror! Giving voice to our grief and fears, even only to ourselves, can be very helpful. I will pray for you just as I'm praying for myself.
     
  7. San

    San Member

    Hi Cathy,
    Thanks you for your kind words. I'm still not getting how to use this website otherwise I would PM you. Since my last posting I have been trying to reach out more to others and trying to do something positive everyday. You're right, there are people that care and I started doing the same thing you are talking about l, asking friends to go to lunch. I also have connected with a hospice grief volunteer and it helps allot to talk about it. It sure is easier being with supportive people and not letting those negative thoughts run wild. I find I have to look for something positive everyday, even if it's only "it's sunny", other than dwelling on the bad things. Someone said to me that Death is more about abandonment than anything else and it sounds like neither one of us is really abandoned as there are other people who care, we just have to reach out to them. I was hoping to join a group support group as I find that people who are going this or have gone through this understand better and I feel a closer connection with. I couldn't find any so I joined this online group just for that reason. I also will hold you in my thoughts and prayers. I understand what we both are going through. If you want to PM my address is maxmoca@hotmail.com. Take care.
     
  8. San

    San Member

    Well here I am two and a half months after my mother's death and not feeling like I'm doing much better. I'm really having a very difficult time. I cry almost everyday and my thoughts run away with me. I can't listen to music or watch any movies with any sadness in them. I am seeing a counselor twice a week and on medications and have a grief support volunteer with hospice. I'm just missing my mom so much. We've lived together for 41 years off/on and then close by for the other years. She's been the closest person to me and we had a very long bond of love and friendship. I have no children and in recent years I was her caretaker but unofficially I've been doing it all my life, we both have been there for each other. And now there is such an emotional hole. I wish I had could KNOW that I would see her again but that's impossible.
     
  9. Cathy Tumlin

    Cathy Tumlin Member

    Do you work outside the home? If you don't, maybe you could try to do some volunteering. Maybe not with the elderly, that could be way too hard. If you like animals, maybe you could volunteer at the local humane society or shelter. If you don't, maybe there is a meals on wheels, or food pantry you could volunteer at. Look for something new to do that can give you a much needed break from living inside your own head. You can also search online for local volunteer opportunities. I'm sure there are many more than I've mentioned here. I used to work for a state agency (eons ago) and we had people who loved to garden volunteer to keep our flower beds weeded and leaves picked up. BOY did we really appreciate having that help!
     
    San likes this.
  10. San

    San Member

    Thank you for your words. What I've been trying to do is connect with a hospice support group but there is none in my area, Brattleboro, VT for loss of a parent. I need to speak with other people about all my feelings surrounding the death and how everything went wrong.