Lost my mom Jan 20th

Discussion in 'Loss of a Parent' started by SouthernGal, Feb 13, 2020.

  1. SouthernGal

    SouthernGal Member

    I’m so sorry to hear of everyone’s loss and being in so much pain. I’m disabled now and have plenty of time to chat. I’ll listen to ya. I’m hurting myself because my mother passed away Jan 20th. I’m still in shock. She was 66 and had a heart attack. There was a lot of blockage so she had triple bypass surgery and never woke up from surgery. She was on life support for a week until her kidneys and lungs started to fail. She was in a small hospital in Mt View AR, so they flew her to St. Louis for better dialysis equipment but she died alone in the plane. I didn’t get to see her before the surgery because I have a blood clot and she didn’twant me to travel. She said she’d see me after rehab from the heart surgery. She wanted to be cremated so she was in St. Louisand mailed to us so I never saw her and haven’t really grasped everything that happened so fast. I know she’s gone but I still can’t believe it. I guess because I didn’t get to see her. My brother and sister saw her while she was on life support in the smallhospital and said their goodbyes when it wasn’t looking to good.

    I just feel like she’s at home in AR and I’m in LA and she doesn’t have cell phone service to call. Sometimes I just find myselfwaiting for when I can call her. I’m her first born and we were really close. We basically grew up together because she got pregnant at 14. No my dad age 16 didn’t stick around. So she’s my only parent. She helped me raise my two sons as a divorced,single mom. They were close to her too. I have had a lot of surgeries in my 50 years and she’s been at every one and nursed meback while helping me with the boys. They’re grown now (19 & 24). I don’t know who will help me if I have another surgerysomeday. I’m so use to having her anytime I needed her and vise versa. I cared for her when she had knee surgery. I miss her so much. There’s a heavy pain or pressure in my chest that’s been there since she died. I think my heart is really broken. This is my first experience with grief. I don’t like it at all. Feel free to message me anytime any of ya want or need to chat. I wish you all peace and happiness.
     
  2. David Hughes

    David Hughes Well-Known Member

    SouthernGal, I am sorry for your loss of your mother. I am also sorry you are disable.

    Loss is the toughest thing we all endure in life. Sure the relationship matters, but it is still a loved one no longer with us. I imagine you must have many days where it is extremely tough to move beyond your grief.

    One of the best medicines for you is talking about your loss, and sharing it with others, Keeping things bottled up inside us does not help you heal. Please don't be afraid to talk to us strangers, we all realize you are in pain and just want to feel better inside.

    When my dad passed from lung cancer, before he died he made me promise him to take care of mom. I did, and so I would shop for her, take her to dialysis, buy her what she wished for, and help feed her cats. Before she died we moved her to a special hospital for elderly and it is at that point my older brother made sure she was taken care of till the end of her life.

    As my two sisters and my brother and me, had to deal with my moms cats, she had accrued over 20 cats throughout the house. A lot of scratches later we were able to have all the cats safely delivered to the humane society. The cats were my moms best friends after dad died. They loved her and never were menacing to her. I am still amazed to this day how she had so many cats. I know growing up we had pets, cats and dogs, but nothing of this magnitude.

    I remember one of our schnauzers who was taken by one of my classmates after she (mitzy) ran after him on his motorcycle. He was lucky to not have many injuries from the accident, and I remember the days I was in class and he said how sorry he was to me. It meant a lot and I held no ill will towards him.

    I know what you mean. Even after death, I have found myself picking up the phone to call someone no longer with us, and realizing in the middle of the call that no one will answer. Then the reality sets in and you can't help but feel somewhat sad while the moment in time is with each of us.

    One thing about my mother. Her younger pictures, she was a remarkably attractive person. Her first marriage to my step brother Henry's father was to a naval veteran who was killed on the DD Invasion.

    Each year, the anniversary would come, my mom and brother would feel awful. I still find it extremely difficult to talk to Henry about his dad, because he grew up without him. When I try to talk to him words are stuck in my mouth, and there are tears in my eyes for him. I know he understands, but nonetheless I let him know I care for him. Perhaps one day I will be able to talk to him without being emotional.

    I just want you to know that Henry is my brother, not a step brother in my eyes, as I grew up with him guiding my 2 sisters and me through life. Talking to mom about her first husband was always a time that very hard for her to talk about, and for me to hear. Sure she loved my dad, her 2nd husband, but there is no doubt that those other memories are painful.

    So please take your time in dealing with your loss. Your grief will take time to heal. Just know that everyone at this site understands grief, though it may not always be the same type, but we all care, and will listen. Talk as much as you wish to, and we will never say enough is enough.

    I hope for the best for you.

    david

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