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Lost my love

Discussion in 'Loss of Spouse' started by Drnilmoni, Jan 3, 2020.

  1. Drnilmoni

    Drnilmoni New Member

    Lost my wife during surgery.. Very much angry and sad
     
  2. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    I am so very sorry for your loss! I can feel your pain, I wish I could magically take it away for you. You’re so young to be dealing with this. I totally understand you feeling angry, you had a wonderful life together with your wife and she has been taken from you. I lost my husband to a massive heart attack and he was gone in 2 hours. The suddenness of it makes it feel even worse. Having a happy relaxing day everything is perfect and out of no where he’s gone. I went into shock because of the suddenness of it. So unexpected. What you went through was sudden also, I imagine you’re in a state of shock also. I hope you have some support around you that is helping you through. People on this site are most definitely here for you and know exactly how you’re feeling. We get it!
    Don’t push yourself too hard, only do whatever you can. Take one day at a time, one hour or one minute. Whatever you’re up to. I’m a year in and still not in a great place but I’m managing not great but I’m managing. This is the hardest thing to go through and nothing prepares you for this. The holidays have not been an easy time for me. It’s been terribly difficult just getting through.
    Take care of yourself.
     
  3. David Hughes

    David Hughes Well-Known Member

    Drnilmoni,

    So sorry for you loss of your wife. I agree with RLC, she gave you excellent advice.

    The anger you have is awful, and with your loss still fresh on your mind, your pain is understandable. Each day forward will be rough, and just try to talk as much as possible, as it will help with your anger.

    You have to let those feelings be realized, meaning let out, not in a damaging way, but in a way you can tell others how bad you are feeling. You are not alone, others understand how bad we all feel after the loss of a loved one.

    If you wouldn't mind me asking can you tell us a little about your wife. What you loved about her? Some of the special times you shared together. What she taught you? Perhaps how you both met and fell in love.

    My wife Nadine, was introduced to me by my sister. She managed to get her sorority write to me. Nadine was my sisters roommate at college and she just wrote with such beauty and was so down to earth that she melted my heart as I read her words in each of her letters.

    Nadine was amazing, her ability to remember everyone and their past relationships use to absolutely floor me as I would hear her talk to or about someone. Me, I was lucky to remember my own name at times.

    Some of our special times, so many of them, but my two sons is at the top of the list. Then there was the cruise we took to Mexico, we were having such a great time we almost missed the ships departure. When we lived in Maryland we went to most all of the theme parks we could, even as far away as Hershey Park in Pennsylvania. We went to Ford's theatre in Wash D.C. and viewed Bell, Book and Candle, it was great. I could go on and on.

    She taught me how to relax more. How to try and not lose my outlook so easily, and not give in to despair.

    So as you can see Nadine was my world, as I am sure your wife was to you. Just remember, we are here to talk with and know you are important and we will all listen if you so mind to speak to us.

    For now, take care and be mindful of your health. God Bless

    david
     
  4. ainie

    ainie Well-Known Member

    I am so sorry that any of us have to feel such pain but I would like to share that, for me, watching my sweet husband struggle in his fight with four different cancers, over 10 years, was also the "worst". For the last 15 months of his life he was totally unable to eat or drink...the only fluid or nourishment he got was what I put through a tube through his abdomen into his stomach. His 2018 cancer was in his tongue and throat...the cut his chin in half and opened his face to behind his ear to get to the tumor. He also lost most of his friends because we couldn't socialize where food and drink was involved. His speech also was very affected so that many days we could not even talk. So many people have said "you must be glad the struggle is over" or "at least it wasn't a shock" and these statements hurt, hurt, hurt. There is no better or worse for any of us. Our world is just as shattered regardless of what it was that stole our loved one from us.
     
  5. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    I just now saw your post about tags on Christmas gifts, wow that’s exactly how I feel. I didn’t use tags and I can’t send cards. Too painful, feels so wrong so I just don’t. No tags no cards, I don’t know if I ever will again. Every single thing is wrong, different, off, emotional. Every day now sucks, and during the holidays It’s magnified even more.
    Anyone who would say something so cold as being glad the struggle is over, they’re pretty naive and I’m guessing haven’t suffered such a loss. I’ve had many people say things that are terribly hurtful, it’s hard to even respond when that happens.
    I feel so bad for all you’ve gone through, I can’t even imagine, so hard to watch your loved one suffer through so much pain. I agree every single person who has lost a love one has suffered through the worst. There is no worst, it’s all the worst nightmare to go through. A loss of any kind, is the worst.