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Lost my Father

Discussion in 'Loss of a Parent' started by Matt, Mar 15, 2019.

  1. Matt

    Matt New Member

    My Father died almost 2 years ago, yet it still feels like it happened yesterday. After his death, I was put on medication for depression and anxiety. Even though he was 82, the child in me still believes that your Father will live forever. It is tough to grieve when others say "people get old, sick, and die". I found a great book called "it's Ok to be not OK" which I found very helpful. I have searched for other resources however, there is not a lot out there for people in their 50's who lose a parent. My wife is currently teaching abroad, so I do not have a daily support system. I am glad I found this website!
     
  2. Annena

    Annena New Member

    Hi. I lost my Dad Jan 31, 2019. I notice people don’t know what to say or how to respond when someone dies. just because your parent is old doesn’t mean the loss won’t hurt. I think it hurts more because they’ve been in your life so long. This website has lots of resources. Look up a local funeral homes website they may offer grief support groups and have resources as well. I hope you find comfort in speaking to others.
     
    Debbie Faye and Amy Roehrenbeck like this.
  3. Matt

    Matt New Member

    Thanks! I did find one support group at a hospital, unfortunately, the group was dominated by some people that just wanted to talk about themselves. My dad was 82, how old was your dad?
     
  4. Debbie Faye

    Debbie Faye New Member

    I just recently lost my daddy 3 months ago and still feel like it's a dream. He would tell me, "you will always be my baby girl". Being divorced made me even closer to him because I was always asking his advice or thoughts on things. He was my best friend and I'm truly lost.
     
  5. Debbie Faye

    Debbie Faye New Member

    My daddy was 83 and people can be so ignorant with their words of comfort. He wasn't in any pain or sick for crying out loud. He lifted weights 3 days a week and took care of 2 acres of land. He had a pond built and filled it with fish, he loved going out to feed them and sit on the bench he put out there.
     
  6. Matt

    Matt New Member

    I miss my fathers advice as well. He was very wise in many ways and made everything seem like it was going to be OK.
     
    Debbie Faye likes this.
  7. KarenP

    KarenP Active Member

    I lost my dad 10 years ago to pancreatic cancer. I lost my mother 1 mo ago to the same disease which is very rare. She was fine until Jan 3rd. Nurses, doctors.....all said depression or irritable bowel......none of the tests came back positive for cancer (cell counts off). I feel like I missed all the signs. I am tired of hearing that I did all I could. If I could have done all I could, I would have found the cancer. I don't know why she got this disease and since her symptons were different from dad's I feel like I failed. Some words of comfort are not that, they just bring up the pain all over again.
     
  8. Annena

    Annena New Member

     
    Debbie Faye likes this.
  9. Annena

    Annena New Member

    I think your Father was wonderful. If anything it is a parents job to assure and protect their children—and let them know ‘it is going to be OK’
     
    Matt likes this.
  10. KarenP

    KarenP Active Member

    I ask for guidance everyday and accept all signs as a way my mom and dad telling me I can get through this and make the wise decision based on what they taught me.
     
  11. Sandy22

    Sandy22 Member

    I lost my dad on March 18. My friends were not supportive at all. Later on they told me that they didn't know what to do or how to be supportive since they had never lost a parent. I kind of feel that's dumb because you can imagine the pain but whatever. Being pissed at them won't bring back my dad but I know how painful it is not to have a support system.
     
  12. KarenP

    KarenP Active Member

    I don't know you/your friends or the age bracket. I am 59 yrs old. My mom passed March 5th. Only TWO friends cared enough that I was eating. I woke up the morning after me mom's funeral and had to pick up the ashes, flowers and clean out her assisted living room alone. I was so mad at people that said they cared and loved me. I took the time, alone, to think about the "people" who I thought would be there for me. Because of my age, I reflected on our relationships and where I was for them when they dealt with the loss of their parent(s). I gave me and them all a PASS!!! My decision was I need friends/cousins in my life for love and support. Hurt will never bring my mom back. And would she really want that??
     
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