*NEXT GENERAL GRIEF GROUP:* Tuesday 9/28 at 2 pm EST *JOIN US!*

Lost my father, my best friend suddenly to Covid

Discussion in 'Loss to COVID-19' started by Denise_Brandao, Feb 11, 2021.

  1. Denise_Brandao

    Denise_Brandao New Member

    Not sure exactly how this group works...but I’m losing my mind. I’m an only child, a daddy’s girl. My dad stopped by everyday. He was the greatest father and the best grandfather to my 2 sons. He was my rock, my superhero, a man who had been through so much...he beat cancer, had a diabetic seizure and got through that, was in the hospital for 34 days for a dead artery in his leg...and came out on top through it all. He was tested positive for Covid and made it through the first 10 days with no symptoms telling me everyday, “I’m fine, I’m good.” The 11th day he sounded a bit delirious not able to finish his sentences. He was brought to the hospital by ambulance and was in a room with oxygen for 5 days. The 6th day he was moved to ICU and died 2 days later. We just buried him on Saturday. Tomorrow is his birthday. I’m having nightmares of seeing him in the hospital room all alone. The guilt is eating away at my soul. I feel like he was wondering where I was. I just can’t get passed him dying all alone ....
     
  2. LonelyLexi805

    LonelyLexi805 Member

    My father also had been thru so many different medical emergencies with us by his side . He contracted Covid and he also died alone. It’s something unbelievably painful to know he was there alone . My father died Feb 8, 2021 it’s going to be a week tonight . I’m still trying to come to terms that he’s gone.
     
  3. Denise_Brandao

    Denise_Brandao New Member

    Sorry to hear that. It’s hard enough to lose someone you love...but people can’t imagine how much harder it is to know they died alone unless they e been through it. People keep telling me “he knew you’d be there if you could”....and in his right mind, I believe that. But at the end, he was delirious and probably didn’t even know what Covid was. So how did he know? I can’t sleep at night with the image of him in that room wondering where I was. I feel as if the tables were turned, he would’ve moved mountains and walls to be there with me and would never have let me go alone. It’s the guilt that’s eating away at my soul.
     
  4. LonelyLexi805

    LonelyLexi805 Member

    There is so many things we wish we could have done . My father was unconscious so I know that even if they FaceTimed us it would have been better . He went into cardiac arrest so I know they didn’t want that . But I know what you mean . That’s what hurts me thinking they thought we left them there to die alone. Hopefully when it was over for them they knew we would have been there if they would have allowed us .