In early February of this year I got a phone call from my father’s partner that he was dead. He died from a drug overdose. He was doing heroin and it was laced with fentanyl. Growing up he struggled with alcohol and he seemed off and distant a year or two prior, but my siblings and I didn’t see him and maybe we purposely ignored warning signs and resigned to his partner to take care of him. IM his child and I feel like I failed him. I feel so much guilt. I feel so sad he had such a hard time living this world. I am having a hard time getting out of the “shoulda, coulda, woulda” I also feel so alone and that’s why I am here. I have so many people but no one understands what I am feeling and I don’t want my pain to consume my relationships. Quarantine has not made coping any better. I am a person who works through their problems and tackles life, but this is the one thing that I see no end to. I am angry that I will never be the same again and that he won’t ever be here again.
