Lost my best friend (husband)

Discussion in 'Loss of Spouse' started by Saverio Russell, Sep 9, 2016.

  1. :(
    I have been a widow for only 3 weeks,I was married for 46 years with 2 daughters and 3 grandchildren.
    My husband died with complications from esophageal cancer,we all thought he was cancer free as that's what the drs.led us to believe.
    We had so many plans as we had both just retired,but I guess God had other plans for us,it still doesn't stop the hurting and crying and missing and loving him so much.
     
  2. Jaime

    Jaime New Member

    I'm so sorry :'( I'm lost and broken too. Few weeks till the 1 Yr mark for me. I just didn't want you to feel alone, or like no one hears you. I hear you.
     
  3. I feel so lost without him,we were always together and he was suppose to be getting better,He went through chemo radiation and surgery,was told he was cancer free and after 4 months they said cancer came back more aggressively,total shock for both of us.
     
  4. Judy L F

    Judy L F Guest

    My husband died of liver cancer after only being sick for three weeks. He was very fit and very active so his sickness and death was a horrible shock. We celebrated 53 years together.
    I am still not able to come to terms with living alone and how to cope with the endless evening hours and nights.
    J
     
  5. I never realized how hard it would be not having him around after 46 years.
    I am always asking God why didn't he take me first
    I not able to sleep and I miss him so much,its only been 3 weeks but it feels like a lifetime.I cry day and night wanting to be with him.
     
  6. Sal

    Sal Guest

    I'm sorry for all of your losses. I lost my one and only to complications from diabetes - we too thought he was getting better, then bam, pneumonia and heart failure. The thing for me is that our relationship had become strained and difficult, and now I have a lot of guilt and remorse for not being a better caregiver, not being more understanding. I've got to figure out how to forgive myself, forgive him.
     
  7. kevinslove

    kevinslove Member

    I feel everyone's pain and want everyone to know I understand I am only at the four months mark and it is so hard, I still don't know what he passed away from this can be a long lonely road tonight is a hard night I am learning to cope with it one day at a time some days are easier, when I
    feel like I am drowning in sadness I try to remember he never truly left me he is here with me in spirit and will always be in my heart I try to remember that he loved me unconditionally no matter what and it is that love I hold on to
     
  8. kevinslove

    kevinslove Member

    Sal do not hold on to the guilt I am sure you did the best you could at the time I went through that my relationship had become strained to I took his love for granted when he passed I was consumed with guilt I finally realized we are not perfect people we all have our flaws all that matters is the love we shared hugs
     
  9. Judy L F

    Judy L F Guest

    This past week has been really hard as I was alone a lot ( my grown kids stay with me when they can).
    I've been feeling like I can't even breathe I miss my husband so much. I've spent hours sitting and crying and looking at pictures of us over the years.
    Finally I made an appointment with a grief counselor for next week and hope I can manage to go through with the appointment.
    This past four months are unbelievable in pain.
    I feel guilty because he wouldn't want me to feel like this.
     
  10. I know exactly how you feel,its only been a month my husband passed.I went to a grief support group but every one there had a spouse that had passed 1-3 years ago.they helped a little.
     
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  12. Judy L F

    Judy L F Guest

    I couldn't make myself go to the grief meeting but had a little better week... I tried to plan something for everyday and stay busy. The nights were lonesome but now I can face a new week.
    I hope you are doing a little better...
     
  13. Sal

    Sal Guest

    Thanks kevinslove- I am working on forgiving myself, and forgiving him as well. Life is not fair, and people are not perfect. I was lucky to have 20 good years with a man who was my soulmate. The last 10 were not so great but there were still goood times. Some people never find love like that. So I try to member how lucky I am, even though sometimes it's hard to see it through the veil of tears.
     
  14. L
     
  15. I really wish I was doing as good as you.I went to a grief meeting I may go one more time to see if its helping.I was married 46 years to a great loving.caring man who loved our kids and grandkids,was looking forward to teaching the grandkids some neat stuff but never got the chance.
     
  16. Judy L F

    Judy L F Guest

    Yes I feel like you.. my husband was a kind gentle man who was the love o my life. He is everywhere I look.
    Hang on I'll try to help you.
     
  17. Judy L F

    Judy L F Guest

    Let me be of any help that I can be. Judy
     
  18. I have been very depressed because I know I will never see him again except in heaven and I miss him so much that it hurts
     
  19. Sal

    Sal Guest

    I hope this comes across the right way...I share those feelings of a lost future...seeing our kids grow up, finding a new life again as a couple once the kids moved on in their lives, etc. So I share that bitterness at having been cheated or robbed of that. But again I try to tell myself: the future is never a guarantee. I really had no right to expect those things to happen, because the fact is that at any moment, any of us could be taken away. And the reality in my case was that that "fantasy future" probably wasn't going to happen anyway - he'd let himself get so sick that most likely I would have been caring for an invalid rather than traveling the world, etc. I'd trade that just to have him back, but life didn't give me that option. It's hard to accept reality sometimes but it helps me to try to face it when I can (which isn't always, trust me!) I really got a lot of help from a cognitive-behavioral therapy workbook called Overcoming Grief by Sue Morris. It had a lot of journaling exercises that were very very hard and I cried and cried doing them, but once I'd worked through them I felt I'd gotten past certain negative thought patterns that were blocking me from being able to move on. I don't know if I could have worked through the book early on in the process - probably not - but maybe after a few months it might be able to help some of you. It deals with all sorts of loss.
    Hugs,
    Sal