Lost my best friend and soul mate after 48 years

On Dec 6 I lost my wife, my best friend and soul mate after 48 years of being together.
We loved and lived for each other. We have 1 son, Jason who is 45 yrs old and is a truly remarkable man.
Since last January when my wife was diagnosed with stage 4 double-hit lymphoma, then brain cancer, things spiraled out of control. Ellen was in cancer hospital off and on for 11 months getting chemo, radiation and all other types of invasive procedures. My son researched tirelessly and endlessly the entire time looking for trials, and treatments that we may try. My poor wife was so upbeat, courageous and brave throughout her disease. She had all the hope and confidence in the world that she was going to beat this. After one chemo treatment, Ellen was so weak, that she fell in our house in the middle of the night and broke her right ankle and left foot 1 day before her 70th birthday. On her birthday, with cast and all Ellen was a warrior and ready to win. Unfortunately that day lead to a further decline from which she never recovered. I am so sad, and heart-broken. We had just retired and were ready to start our new adventure together. Now that has been torn from us and I am having a very difficult time coping. That is why I am reaching out to Grief in Common and other support groups. I will love you always Ellen!!! You are my Angel!

 

I'm sorry for your loss. She sounds like a true soldier. I'm praying for your strength as you grieve.

 

On October 18 2019 at 8:40 AM I lost my wife Janet to brain cancer. She survived (for three months after surgery) and I was fortunate to be able to move into her Hospice room to be with her 24/7. Like your Ellen, My Janet was unbelievably courageous. Far more courageous than I would have been. You have been blessed to
experience that kind of love.

You are in my prayers.

 

https://songbackup.s3.amazonaws.com...375517&Signature=aDCBiM8o+G4/8qTIEhtTu9S4deE=

I wrote this song for Janet as a tribute to her when trying to understand...Why?

 

Based on this poem that I wrote during her last days.


HIM

They told us you were going to die,

So, matter of fact in their statement,

That I couldn’t even cry.

At least not until the wall that held back the tears, gave way, loosing emotions that had languished

for years. Why…Why…Why… did she have to die?

No answer came to hand, as I struggled to visualize

her promised land, and I silently raged at the searing pain that devoured my spinning, irrational brain, and my love, all the while, responded with grace, and a cryptic smile, and while finding no fear

that I could trace, she was far more worried

about what I would face, and how, at the end,

would I accept God’s all-knowing portend.

Fine… she always said, when they asked how’s the pain in your head? She would just sigh and then reply, don’t bother with that right now, please

pray for HIM instead.

Then… all too soon…when her life’s flame began to dim, she whispered these words, as my tears erupted from within, Don’t worry about me, I’ll be OK…

I’m more concerned about…HIM…




HIM

They told us you were going to die,

So, matter of fact in their statement,

That I couldn’t even cry.

At least not until the wall that held back the tears, gave way, loosing emotions that had languished

for years. Why…Why…Why… did she have to die?

No answer came to hand, as I struggled to visualize

her promised land, and I silently raged at the searing pain that devoured my spinning, irrational brain, and my love, all the while, responded with grace, and a cryptic smile, and while finding no fear

that I could trace, she was far more worried

about what I would face, and how, at the end,

would I accept God’s all-knowing portend.

Fine… she always said, when they asked how’s the pain in your head? She would just sigh and then reply, don’t bother with that right now, please

pray for HIM instead.

Then… all too soon…when her life’s flame began to dim, she whispered these words, as my tears burst forth from within, don’t worry about me, I’ll be OK…

I’m more concerned about…HIM…




HIM

They told us you were going to die,

So, matter of fact in their statement,

That I couldn’t even cry.

At least not until the wall that held back the tears, gave way, loosing emotions that had languished

for years. Why…Why…Why… did she have to die?

No answer came to hand, as I struggled to visualize

her promised land, and I silently raged at the searing pain that devoured my spinning, irrational brain, and my love, all the while, responded with grace, and a cryptic smile, and while finding no fear

that I could trace, she was far more worried

about what I would face, and how, at the end,

would I accept God’s all-knowing portend.

Fine… she always said, when they asked how’s the pain in your head? She would just sigh and then reply, don’t bother with that right now, please

pray for HIM instead.

Then… all too soon…when her life’s flame began to dim, she whispered these words, as my tears burst forth from within, don’t worry about me, I’ll be OK…

I’m more concerned about…HIM…




HIM

They told us you were going to die,

So, matter of fact in their statement,

That I couldn’t even cry.

At least not until the wall that held back the tears, gave way, loosing emotions that had languished

for years. Why…Why…Why… did she have to die?

No answer came to hand, as I struggled to visualize

her promised land, and I silently raged at the searing pain that devoured my spinning, irrational brain, and my love, all the while, responded with grace, and a cryptic smile, and while finding no fear

that I could trace, she was far more worried

about what I would face, and how, at the end,

would I accept God’s all-knowing portend.

Fine… she always said, when they asked how’s the pain in your head? She would just sigh and then reply, don’t bother with that right now, please

pray for HIM instead.

Then… all too soon…when her life’s flame began to dim, she whispered these words, as my tears burst forth from within, don’t worry about me, I’ll be OK…

I’m more concerned about…HIM…




HIM

They told us you were going to die,

So, matter of fact in their statement,

That I couldn’t even cry.

At least not until the wall that held back the tears, gave way, loosing emotions that had languished

for years. Why…Why…Why… did she have to die?

No answer came to hand, as I struggled to visualize

her promised land, and I silently raged at the searing pain that devoured my spinning, irrational brain, and my love, all the while, responded with grace, and a cryptic smile, and while finding no fear

that I could trace, she was far more worried

about what I would face, and how, at the end,

would I accept God’s all-knowing portend.

Fine… she always said, when they asked how’s the pain in your head? She would just sigh and then reply, don’t bother with that right now, please

pray for HIM instead.

Then… all too soon…when her life’s flame began to dim, she whispered these words, as my tears burst forth from within, don’t worry about me, I’ll be OK…

I’m more concerned about…HIM…




HIM

They told us you were going to die,

So, matter of fact in their statement,

That I couldn’t even cry.

At least not until the wall that held back the tears, gave way, loosing emotions that had languished

for years. Why…Why…Why… did she have to die?

No answer came to hand, as I struggled to visualize

her promised land, and I silently raged at the searing pain that devoured my spinning, irrational brain, and my love, all the while, responded with grace, and a cryptic smile, and while finding no fear

that I could trace, she was far more worried

about what I would face, and how, at the end,

would I accept God’s all-knowing portend.

Fine… she always said, when they asked how’s the pain in your head? She would just sigh and then reply, don’t bother with that right now, please

pray for HIM instead.

Then… all too soon…when her life’s flame began to dim, she whispered these words, as my tears burst forth from within, don’t worry about me, I’ll be OK…

I’m more concerned about…HIM…




HIM

They told us you were going to die,

So, matter of fact in their statement,

That I couldn’t even cry.

At least not until the wall that held back the tears, gave way, loosing emotions that had languished

for years. Why…Why…Why… did she have to die?

No answer came to hand, as I struggled to visualize

her promised land, and I silently raged at the searing pain that devoured my spinning, irrational brain, and my love, all the while, responded with grace, and a cryptic smile, and while finding no fear

that I could trace, she was far more worried

about what I would face, and how, at the end,

would I accept God’s all-knowing portend.

Fine… she always said, when they asked how’s the pain in your head? She would just sigh and then reply, don’t bother with that right now, please

pray for HIM instead.

Then… all too soon…when her life’s flame began to dim, she whispered these words, as my tears burst forth from within, don’t worry about me, I’ll be OK…

I’m more concerned about…HIM…




HIM

They told us you were going to die,

So, matter of fact in their statement,

That I couldn’t even cry.

At least not until the wall that held back the tears, gave way, loosing emotions that had languished

for years. Why…Why…Why… did she have to die?

No answer came to hand, as I struggled to visualize

her promised land, and I silently raged at the searing pain that devoured my spinning, irrational brain, and my love, all the while, responded with grace, and a cryptic smile, and while finding no fear

that I could trace, she was far more worried

about what I would face, and how, at the end,

would I accept God’s all-knowing portend.

Fine… she always said, when they asked how’s the pain in your head? She would just sigh and then reply, don’t bother with that right now, please

pray for HIM instead.

Then… all too soon…when her life’s flame began to dim, she whispered these words, as my tears burst forth from within, don’t worry about me, I’ll be OK…

I’m more concerned about…HIM…




HIM

They told us you were going to die,

So, matter of fact in their statement,

That I couldn’t even cry.

At least not until the wall that held back the tears, gave way, loosing emotions that had languished

for years. Why…Why…Why… did she have to die?

No answer came to hand, as I struggled to visualize

her promised land, and I silently raged at the searing pain that devoured my spinning, irrational brain, and my love, all the while, responded with grace, and a cryptic smile, and while finding no fear

that I could trace, she was far more worried

about what I would face, and how, at the end,

would I accept God’s all-knowing portend.

Fine… she always said, when they asked how’s the pain in your head? She would just sigh and then reply, don’t bother with that right now, please

pray for HIM instead.

Then… all too soon…when her life’s flame began to dim, she whispered these words, as my tears burst forth from within, don’t worry about me, I’ll be OK…

I’m more concerned about…HIM…

 

HIM

They told us you were going to die,

So, matter of fact in their statement,

That I couldn’t even cry.

At least not until the wall that held back the tears, gave way, loosing emotions that had languished

for years. Why…Why…Why… did she have to die?

No answer came to hand, as I struggled to visualize

her promised land, and I silently raged at the searing pain that devoured my spinning, irrational brain, and my love, all the while, responded with grace, and a cryptic smile, and while finding no fear

that I could trace, she was far more worried

about what I would face, and how, at the end,

would I accept God’s all-knowing portend.

Fine… she always said, when they asked how’s the pain in your head? She would just sigh and then reply, don’t bother with that right now, please

pray for HIM instead.

Then… all too soon…when her life’s flame began to dim, she whispered these words, as my tears burst forth from within, don’t worry about me, I’ll be OK…

I’m more concerned about…HIM…[/QUOTE]

 

[Q

for years. Why…Why…Why… did she have to die?

No answer came to hand, as I struggled to visualize

her promised land, and I silently raged at the searing pain that devoured my spinning, irrational brain, and my love, all the while, responded with grace, and a cryptic smile, and while finding no fear

that I could trace, she was far more worried

about what I would face, and how, at the end,

would I accept God’s all-knowing portend.

Fine… she always said, when they asked how’s the pain in your head? She would just sigh and then reply, don’t bother with that right now, please

pray for HIM instead.

Then… all too soon…when her life’s flame began to dim, she whispered these words, as my tears burst forth from within, don’t worry about me, I’ll be OK…

I’m more concerned about…HIM…




HIM

They told us you were going to die,

So, matter of fact in their statement,

That I couldn’t even cry.

At least not until the wall that held back the tears, gave way, loosing emotions that had languished

for years. Why…Why…Why… did she have to die?

No answer came to hand, as I struggled to visualize

her promised land, and I silently raged at the searing pain that devoured my spinning, irrational brain, and my love, all the while, responded with grace, and a cryptic smile, and while finding no fear

that I could trace, she was far more worried

about what I would face, and how, at the end,

would I accept God’s all-knowing portend.

Fine… she always said, when they asked how’s the pain in your head? She would just sigh and then reply, don’t bother with that right now, please

pray for HIM instead.

Then… all too soon…when her life’s flame began to dim, she whispered these words, as my tears burst forth from within, don’t worry about me, I’ll be OK…

I’m more concerned about…HIM…




HIM

They told us you were going to die,

So, matter of fact in their statement,

That I couldn’t even cry.

At least not until the wall that held back the tears, gave way, loosing emotions that had languished

for years. Why…Why…Why… did she have to die?

No answer came to hand, as I struggled to visualize

her promised land, and I silently raged at the searing pain that devoured my spinning, irrational brain, and my love, all the while, responded with grace, and a cryptic smile, and while finding no fear

that I could trace, she was far more worried

about what I would face, and how, at the end,

would I accept God’s all-knowing portend.

Fine… she always said, when they asked how’s the pain in your head? She would just sigh and then reply, don’t bother with that right now, please

pray for HIM in


HIM

They told us you were going to die,

So, matter of fact in their statement,

That I couldn’t even cry.

At least not until the wall that held back the tears, gave way, loosing emotions that had languished

for years. Why…Why…Why… did she have to die?

No answer came to hand, as I struggled to visualize

her promised land, and I silently raged at the searing pain that devoured my spinning, irrational brain, and my love, all the while, responded with grace, and a cryptic smile, and while finding no fear

that I could trace, she was far more worried

about what I would face, and how, at the end,

would I accept God’s all-knowing portend.

Fine… she always said, when they asked how’s the pain in your head? She would just sigh and then reply, don’t bother with that right now, please

pray for HIM instead.

Then… all too soon…when her life’s flame began to dim, she whispered these words, as my tears burst forth from within, don’t worry about me, I’ll be OK…

I’m more concerned about…HIM…[/QUOTE]

 

They told us you were going to die,

So, matter of fact in their statement,

That I couldn’t even cry.

At least not until the wall that held back the tears, gave way, loosing emotions that had languished

for years. Why…Why…Why… did she have to die?

No answer came to hand, as I struggled to visualize

her promised land, and I silently raged at the searing pain that devoured my spinning, irrational brain, and my love, all the while, responded with grace, and a cryptic smile, and while finding no fear

that I could trace, she was far more worried

about what I would face, and how, at the end,



Then… all too soon…when her life’s flame began to dim, she whispered these words, as my tears burst forth from within, don’t worry about me, I’ll be OK…

I’m more concerned about…HIM…




HIM

They told us you were going to die,

So, matter of fact in their statement,

That I couldn’t even cry.

At least not until the wall that held back the tears, gave way, loosing emotions that had languished

for years. Why…Why…Why… did she have to die?

No answer came to hand, as I struggled to visualize

her promised land, and I silently raged at the searing pain that devoured my spinning, irrational brain, and my love, all the while, responded with grace, and a cryptic smile, and while finding no fear

that I could trace, she was far more worried

about what I would face, and how, at the end,

would I accept God’s all-knowing portend.

Fine… she always said, when they asked how’s the pain in your head? She would just sigh and then reply, don’t bother with that right now, please

pray for HIM instead.


HIM

They told us you were going to die,

So, matter of fact in their statement,

That I couldn’t even cry.

At least not until the wall that held back the tears, gave way, loosing emotions that had languished

for years. Why…Why…Why… did she have to die?

No answer came to hand, as I struggled to visualize

her promised land, and I silently raged at the searing pain that devoured my spinning, irrational brain, and my love, all the while, responded with grace, and a cryptic smile, and while finding no fear

that I could trace, she was far more worried

about what I would face, and how, at the end,

would I accept God’s all-knowing portend.

Fine… she always said, when they asked how’s the pain in your head? She would just sigh and then reply, don’t bother with that right now, please

pray for HIM instead.

Then… all too soon…when her life’s flame began to dim, she whispered these words, as my tears erupted from within, don’t worry about me, I’ll be OK…
I'm more worried about... HIM.




HIM

They told us you were going to die,

So, matter of fact in their statement,

That I couldn’t even cry.

At least not until the wall that held back the tears, gave way, loosing emotions that had languished

for years. Why…Why…Why… did she have to die?

No answer came to hand, as I struggled to visualize

her promised land, and I silently raged at the searing pain that devoured my spinning, irrational brain, and my love, all the while, responded with grace, and a cryptic smile, and while finding no fear

that I could trace, she was far more worried

about what I would face, and how, at the end,

would I accept God’s all-knowing portend.

Fine… she always said, when they asked how’s the pain in your head? She would just sigh and then reply, don’t bother with that right now, please

pray for HIM instead.

Then… all too soon…when her life’s flame began to dim, she whispered these words, as my tears burst forth from within, don’t worry about me, I’ll be OK…

I’m more concerned about…HIM…[/QUOTE][/QUOTE]

 

[/QUOTE]

 

My cut and paste went crazy, and I can't figure out how to get rid of all but one, HIM.

 

Sending you love. Sounds like a remarkable woman. I know you will miss her dearly.

 

Oh likewise I feel your pain I lost my husband Nov 2020 to stage 4 cancer . We were 48 years married . Most days I just am going through a meaningless existence except to cook for my little dog and take him on walks .

 

It is unbelievable the pain I feel every day with my wife not being there. I am sure you know what I mean. I am on a 2 week roadtrip with my son but everyday I think of her and cry. I really don't know where to go from here but talking to people and hearing others helps somewhat.