Lost husband of nearly 30 years to suicide

In June, 2016 my husband committed suicide. I came home on a Friday night to find my husband wasn't home. I waited for hours for him to come home. Finally a policeman, my minister and his wife showed up at the door to tell me Mark killed himself at work.
Needless to say I'm stuck in one stage of grief, ANGER. Anger at my husband.... He took nearly 30 years of my life and just like that it was over.
Now I'm so lonely and angry.
I don't know how to move on anymore.

 

I don’t think I know what it’s like to lose someone who was with me for thirty years but I do no what it’s like to be in constant anger due to a suicide loss. I’m very sorry, and it’s unfair that we have to deal with the constant anger that they left behind. But I suppose it’s a good thing to feel those emotions because it means that they’re somehow still there to hold onto. I’m very sorry for what happened to you, I know that anger and hate. I’m still dealing with it today because they decided that I wasn’t a good enough person to turn too.

 

Anger is the worst next to guilt. I live with it every day. I see after a couple years it does not subside. My children's father passed away in June and everyday i struggle to live. I see no hope for the future. I see people around me living their life, happy, smiling. I am sure they have not been through something so traumatic like us. You are not alone Kimberly. The heartache you feel, we feel it too. We die everyday inside. I see us as warriors. We managed to get out of bed one day, we managed to cook another. We manage, we live, we continue to live for them. Whatever you believe in, as we know we only get one life, and we too will die. Lets survive this and love like we never loved before.

 

My husband died from suicide in August 2017.
He was angry with me. I'll never forgive myself. I could have easily prevented all of this.