Lost father to Pancreatic cancer

Discussion in 'Coping After a Sudden Loss' started by richelek, Feb 12, 2020.

  1. richelek

    richelek New Member

    Dad was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in July 2019.. Doctors gave us great hope for long survival and dad was responding well to chemo and cancer was showing shrinkage.. Dad passed away in November 2019.. He was doing just fine and then one day just woke up and things declined so quickly and was gone in a blink of an eye. He went into the hospital for not feeling well due to chemo side effects and came out on hospice and only was in hospice 2 full days before his passing.. We were watching tv, laughing and eating his favorite meal less than 24 hours before he was gone. I was my dads caregiver the entire time he was sick and spent most of my time at his house when I wasn't at my 8-5 job.

    I am so angry and feel like even a few months later that I am still in shock. Everyday I wish I would wake up and have to force myself to do normal life things and I have lost all motivation for work. I often wake up in the middle of the night and check my phone because my body is still in caregiver mode and is waiting for a text from my dad. I feel so useless. I lash out at everyone and am irritable 24/7. I am relatively young and feel an intense anger that my dad is going to miss so many important moments with me.

    Does it ever get any easier?
  2. Bogman

    Bogman Well-Known Member

    Sorry to hear of your loss, I can tell by your post you loved your Dad very much. I lost my wife in December also from cancer, she too was told that she could live for a considerable time with treatment but within two months of her diagnosis had passed, it hurts like nothing I've experienced before !! I hope with time you'll be able to know that doctors and care givers did all they could do and that your anger, which isn't unusual, will go away.

    This site has helped me in knowing the feelings I have are being shared by many here, try and find some of the books that have written on grief which I also find that helpful, friends and family also a big part of going through this. Give yourself time, there is no substitute for time, you will feel better at some point and be able to remember your Dad with a warm smile instead of the pain you're experiencing now. Dan