Lost and New

Discussion in 'Suicide Loss' started by SadinTexas1979, Mar 26, 2020.

  1. SadinTexas1979

    SadinTexas1979 New Member

    I honestly don't know what to say here. I've never done or had to do anything like this. I lost my boyfriend of 2 years to death by suicide over a month ago, I even witnessed him do it. Like so many others that I've read so far, everything seemed normal as usual that day and we even fought over some petty stuff. He was there one minute and gone the next, just like that. I had no idea he was in so much pain that he would do that.
    My grieving process so far hasn't been easy of course. His family asked me not to be part of his funeral services which took it's own toll and for the past month not only did I lose someone I wanted for the rest of my life I lost the house we lived in together and so much more. I also have had several of his friends be very cruel to me and tell me "Just tell us the truth?!"
    There are people who blame me and even believe I harmed him.
    There's so much stress and anxiety and pain and then to have people who don't know you add to the guilt you already have. It's all so very hard. I feel so lost and I'm still in shock.
    Everything is a blur.
    Thank you to whomever ever listens or even reads this. I'm sorry for everyone's suffering and loss.
  2. David Hughes

    David Hughes Well-Known Member


    First I am so sorry for your loss. To have seen your boyfriend take his life has to be traumatic. It is not unusual to now feel shocked to have seen it, angry it happened, confused on why it happened, and lastly profound sadness. We each are all frail, no one person has all the answers.

    It also is understandable how hard it is to come to terms with his passing and how it happened. It is going to take time now for you to process this loss. One thing I would suggest is to seek a professional therapist to talk with and help you work through your inner emotions.

    The most important thing now is you need to take care of yourself. I can see your turmoil. I wish I could take this pain away from you but alas I can’t. However, I and others are here to listen, and let you talk all you want.

    Your grief will be hard, as is anyone’s who loses someone special. You are also no less significant than anyone else. I will be here to listen. I won’t shy away from whatever you wish to share, just know we care, and hope the best possible outcome for you forward.

    Please remember, take care of yourself. Seek professional guidance if at all possible and never think your grief is any less important than anyone else’s. I hope you will find some peace tonight.


    I hope this song provides some comfort for you

    SadinTexas1979 likes this.
  3. SadinTexas1979

    SadinTexas1979 New Member

    Thank you David I appreciate your reply and your very kind words.