This is my first time posting, I just stumbled upon this group today. I lost my boyfriend/best friend on August 28. He called me the night before and asked me to go over to his house because he hurt his back. When I got there, I asked him what happened but he wouldn’t tell me. I was so irritated at him. That was 8:30pm. I tried to massage the knot out of his back, put a heating pad on it, told him to take a hot shower, everything I could think of to do for a pinched nerve. That’s what I thought he had. For hours with no relief, I begged him to go to the doctor but he hates doctors. Finally at 4:15am, he let me take him to the ER. He was fine. He was coherent. He was giving me directions to the hospital. When we got there, he said ‘Kimmie, I think I’m going to faint’ and he suddenly died right in my car in the driveway of the ER. I was in shock, thought he had a seizure but he was gone. I have so much guilt for how I acted that night, being so irritated and annoyed that he wouldn’t tell me what happened, etc. I was a bitch. I told him he needed a professional masseuse to go over the next day to help him because I wasn’t a professional. I had no idea he was having a dissected aortic aneurysm. Now I’m angry all the time and am alienating everyone around me. I am so broken and don’t know how to pick up the pieces of this shattered life.