Loss that’s unbearable...

5 months ago I lost my nephew whom I raised the last 9 years to an over dose. He was 20 years old, when I got the phone call at 3:50 am that morning a part of me died with him. Telling my 9 year old and 3 year old that they wouldn’t be able to see their cousin who was more a brother to them ever again was just to much. Each day is worse then the next. I feel like this pain and sorrow will never fade and my drive to do anything is no longer there, not by choice but simply because I have absolutely no energy to get up and complete simple tasks. I’m writing this message and becoming lost in what I even want to say. I cry constantly and think about things that could of been red flags leading up to his death and just can’t cope with life ...

 

I lost my son on June 8, 2018 and the day is etched in my memory forever. The police showed up at my home while my grandchildren (their father) were over spending the weekend with us. I was in a state of total shock as I really had felt he had turned the corner and was on a good path after years of drug abuse. What I initially believe started as recreational turned into a full blown addiction. It's so hard to even have to write this as it makes it so real.
You will have good and bad days I think forever. That pain does not do away. It's still difficult to even do the basic daily stuff and I don't beat myself up about it. The loss we have suffered is unmeasurable. Be kind to yourself