I lost my partner of 18 years in June this year x we have 2 boys together aged 14 and 10 this was a great shock to us he was 46 years old and it’s getting harder each day . I have no one to speak to who has lost a partner
I, too, lost my partner of 18 years on June 30. So you are not alone. Robert was older than your loved one - he was 61 - but still vital and larger than life. When I told people he had died, they said things like, "But I just saw him." or "He looked so good." Was your partner's death sudden? It seems from the way you wrote your entry that it was. I have exp e rienced four other close family deaths and all w ere expected or not totally unexpected. Sudden death, in my experience, is the most shocking for survivors. I am still trying to wrap my head around it. I understand about not having anyone to speak to. You are probably middle age and no one else you know has lost a partn e r. It is pretty rare. Most common cause of a breakup after 18 years is divorce, not death. You probably feel pretty isolated. Well, it also happened to me as well when my partner of 20 years killed himself at age 52. I was 40. Surreal, feeling like going crazy, shocking, disbelief, feeling disconnected,losing all bearings would be descriptions I felt. You may feel like those, too, in addition to be a mother. Just know there are plenty of people on this site who are like you.
Sorry to hear about your husband. I did not lose a partner, but I know there are people here who have. Hopefully, you can help each other.
I just found out someone I loved very much passed away. He wasn’t other people’s perfect fit for me. But, we had really, really great times. We had a lot in common. He divorced because she wanted to go to a big city to raise their boys. They met at a remote college, but for her it was like a childhood farce or frolic to go to a College in the country. So, we met after they were divorced 2 years. My love for him feels so complicated. I loved everyday that we were together. It was so much fun to be in a beautiful outdoor place together. We went riding together often. He really loved me. We really laughed a lot together. I miss laughing with him. After all these years I can still remember him saying, “you go inside I will feed your horse.” “Go inside now, he’d say.” Always thinking of my comfort when he was with me. Then Id have warm cider ready and we’d talk about the day. There were always big long hugs. He said he was kinda jealous of my dogs because they could stay with me all day when he worked or was away. We were shelter in a cold, cold world both physically and socially. It just hurts that I miss him so much. I never cared what people said about us. We both laughed about our personality warts together. We weren’t jealous of each other’s ex spouses. We were relieved they were gone since it wasn’t as easy a fit as he and I were. We lived in our own world. We weren’t selfish- we just fit together. I am just astounded to know he isn’t in this world anymore. It’s such a disappointment.
