I lost my Dad on October 3. He was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis back when I was a baby and as a result he had unfortunately fallen victim to the opioid crisis. Back in the 1990s as I'm sure a lot of people are aware, doctors were passing out pain pills like candy and my dad would like anyone else who has dealt with this would need more pills to manage the pain he would deal with from his condition as his tolerance grew. Combine that with a traumatic childhood, past issues with substance abuse, struggles with depression and anxiety, and a variety of other circumstances and it was a recipe for disaster. My dad unfortunately would at times on top of mixing his prescriptions would drink with them and has done harder drugs such as coke and crack. Before passing away he had overdosed on a few different occasions. I've unfortunately dealt with similar demons in my life as well but managed to beat mine down before they completely took over. My dad and I had our issues but I feel like we also understood each other on many levels. A few days before my Dad passed away he seemed clear headed and like he recognized he needed to make changes in his life. He texted me while I was at work asking if I could call him whenever he had a chance. I'll admit I was a bit reluctant because within the last few months he had been asking to borrow money a lot and I would tell him I'm sorry but I do not have it. I ended up calling him on my lunch break and he told me he needed my help things had gotten out of control. His power had been disconnected a lot of things were going wrong. He said he wanted me to take over handling his finances and wanted to sign to make me power of attorney. He broke down and told me he hated losing his independence but he recognized changes needed to be made. I told him whatever I can do to help him I am more than happy to do and don't worry we will figure it out. Since being forced to medically retire from truck driving with his multiple sclerosis, my Dad had been receiving social security every month to get by. He told me he got paid on the first of October and the first thing he was going to do was give me his bank card so he could no longer just take money out whenever he wanted and he wanted me to pay his half his doctor balance since it would be required for him to be seen and receive a refill of his blood pressure prescription. I told him I would and met up to retrieve the card and promptly paid the doctor and texted him to notify him I had done so. He thanked me and scheduled an appointment to come in the week of October 6. October 2 I found the power of attorney form per our discussion, printed it at work, and told him I would come over after work so we could discuss what we were going to do with it. It wouldn't be officially signed that day though as we had to meet with someone at my bank Saturday morning to get the form notarized and make it legal. I came over after work and we started going the form and and also discussing other things. My dad seemed like a weight was beginning to be lifted from him he was in good spirits and he told me he appreciated me helping him. He was even discussing things he wanted to do in the future. I was very encouraged. When it was time for me to head home we gave each other a huge bear hug like we usually would and I told him I loved him and I would see him tomorrow. He said "I love you too Peanut." He has called me Peanut my entire life. I texted him when I got home to let him know I made it back safe because we usually would let each other know. Sometimes my Dad's MS would make his memory slip and I would end up calling him and he always knew what it was about and would say "Yes Peanut I'm safe quit worrying.." upon answering the phone. We had a good conversation over text and my Dad was just being himself cracking jokes. Saturday morning rolls around. October 3, the day my life completely turned upside down and my heart got smashed into a million pieces. I call my Dad around 8:30 that morning. Typically my Dad is an early riser and would be up before that having a couple cigarettes, drinking his coffee, using the restroom, watching the news whatever. The phone rang a normal amount of time and I got his voicemail. Rarely, but sometimes he would get a chance to go back to sleep for a little bit if his body would cooperate and allow him to do so. I thought it was a little weird but at first didnt over think it too much. 9 a.m. 9:30 10 10:30 roll around. I called and texted my Dad multiple times with no response which was not like him at all. Even if we had a disagreement we always got back in touch with each other eventually a lot of the time the very same day we could never stay mad. But this time there was no disagreement. My Dad knew my boyfriend and I were gonna get him so we could take care of the form and also hang out that day. I told my boyfriend this is not right we need to get over there now and so we did. When we got to my Dads house it was around 10:45 and I started banging on the door as hard as I could. After a couple minutes one of his roommates, that situation is another story that was going to be another part of the mission getting him away from the losers he surrounded himself with this guy was absolutely no good, opened the door and non-chalantly said "good morning" I said yeah good morning where is my dad? The dogs were running around the living room barking but my Dad was not in his chair like he normally would be. This dumbass's response (he's a dumbass because anyone who knows my Dad and especially has lived with my Dad should know he should have been up hours ago) "Oh he's in bed." I said "My ass he is it is almost 11 a.m." and then walked in swung open my Dad's bedroom door. The light was still on and my Dad was laying on his bed at first it looked like he was sleeping I kept saying Dad usually he would wake up I went over and tried touching his shoulder he was unresponsive, his eyes were bloodshot, and he had yellow foam coming from his mouth. (I've still been having nightmares about seeing him this way and keep trying to tell myself that was not him) I screamed someone f*cking call 911 now! The room mate of his was in a daze I called 911 on my phone and he had gotten them on finally after being in lala land. The dispatcher instructed him and I to move my Dad to the floor wipe the foam from his mouth and do chest compressions until EMS got there. We did they got there after what seemed like an eternity and took over working on him themselves. At which point my boyfriend and I went out on the porch I couldn't stay in there. I prayed and prayed to God to please protect my Dad and please dont take him from my siblings and I. 12:10 pm October 3, 2020 my Dad was pronounced dead. And I've been going through hell since. His autopsy is still pending with toxicology but I have a feeling these scumbags that were staying with him contributed to this. He didnt do this all himself. I am not going to say much else on that matter because I am still trying to actively get local authorities to investigate my Dads passing. There's a lot more I could say but some things are better left unsaid. Outside of the addiction my Dad was an amazing person he had a good heart, a wicked sense of humor, loved animals, his human children and three dogs kept him going, and he would do whatever he could to help others. I want him to be remembered for his heart because these things that took over were not my Dad. I love him and miss him so much I'm trying to be strong but it still hurts more than any other loss or anything else I have dealt with in life.
I am so sorry for your loss. The level of trauma we experience in the deaths of our loved ones varies greatly. You can sense the pain you are in right now. It has been 5 months since my father passed and I am still working through it. Those early days were so very difficult. I seconded guessed so many things that I could have done to possibly change the outcome. I constantly relived those hard moments trying to find an answer. The passing of the 5 months has made some difference. I am learning what I did was all I could do. I hope you find some solace today in knowing someone heard your pain and is thinking of you.
I, too, lost my Daddy- my loss occured 9/8/20, so a little more than a month before your tragic loss. I am (was, but will always be!) a Daddy’s girl. I also felt your pain, angst, anger, and strength in your words. I dont have any advice for you as this is all new to me too, but I wanted to acknowledge you, your story, and your Dad! We all have a story and we all need to be heard, validated, and appreciated. Do what you feel is right in your heart...pray, meditate, journal...give your heart, brain, and soul time to process your loss. Be patient with yourself. I gather that we have a long road ahead of us girl! Much love, Cristy.
