Loss of my best friend.. My love.. My wife..windy

Discussion in 'Loss of Spouse' started by Michael beck, Jul 29, 2020.

  1. Michael beck

    Michael beck Well-Known Member

    July 17 2020 my wife passed and I'm really hurting and miss her so bad..
    35 years together 3 kids and 4 grand babys I would not have if not for her
     
  2. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    Michael,
    I’m so sorry for the loss of your wife. I know the pain you’re feeling, I lost my husband of 41 years to a sudden and massive heart attack. He was taken so quickly, in two hours my life changed forever.
    It’s something you could never prepare for, the pain is the worst pain you’ve ever felt in your life. I’m hoping you have family and friends supporting you. Take them up on offers to help, maybe even to just come over and have a cup of coffee. Someone to sit and listen. The simple things mean so much.
    Take care of you, your loss is so very resent, don’t push yourself to do anything, most things can wait. Visit this site often, everyone here knows and understands the pain you’re feeling. Read and share stories. This site has helped me immensely, and will help you too.
    One day at a time, one hour or one moment, take things slow.
    Peace be with you.
    Robin
     
  3. Michael beck

    Michael beck Well-Known Member

     
  4. Michael beck

    Michael beck Well-Known Member

    Thank you for your words of encouragement..
    Im trying really hard to cope..
    My job majes it really hard I drive a truck and im having trouble sleepping and I'm alone to much i think I thunk I tried to come back to work to aoon..again thank you
     
  5. Barry

    Barry Well-Known Member

    Michael, I'm so sorry to read your post. I can relate. My sweet wife of 25 years, Peg died 11/2/19 suddenly of a brain anyurism. I was in shock and devastated for months. Didn't eat for 4 days, couldn't sleep more than 2 hours at a time, sad and depressed still to this day. No sense in sugar coating it, you're headed into hell. I'm also a truck driver. Work is better than home for me but hours alone in the truck are hard too. You need to focus on yourself. Try to eat right and sleep well in these early weeks. Go to talk to a Dr if you need to. They can help you sleep and keep an eye on your general health. Grieving is so hard! Peace.
     
  6. Michael beck

    Michael beck Well-Known Member

    I am trying to keep going .thinking of the kids and all..dont wanna put them no more trouble if something was to happen to me..thank you
     
  7. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    The loneliness is a huge factor, it weighs everyone down. So I do understand when you say you’re alone too much. Sleep, also SO difficult, every second is hard but nights are even more intense. You may have gone back to work too soon, but maybe you’d feel even worse sitting at home. My husband and I owned and ran a business together. We had down sized in resent years preparing to retire. We were supposed to retire this year in Sept, on my birthday. Instead I closed our business and emptied our shop, that was terribly emotional and so hard. Our children helped me in the process and we did it together. We did it when we were supposed to be on a family vacation together. Now I’m retired, I miss working side by side with Ron, my days are long and lonely and i won’t be doing the traveling we saved and planned for or the home renovations.
    This is a long hard journey, but eventually all your wonderful times and memories will make you smile again. It takes time for that to happen but it will. Eating is difficult too, I’ve lost a lot of weight and also have aged, who is that person in the mirror.
    Be kind to yourself, and do what you think is right for you. If possible maybe you can still take more time, see a doctor if you need. And remember, your wife wants you to be ok. I use the love Ron and I had and still have as my inspiration. Helps me get up every day and to push forward.
    Do what’s right for you.
     
  8. Michael beck

    Michael beck Well-Known Member

    Yes you are rite windy always wanted me to take care of myself she always told me that..
    We too was saving for a house and had many many plans to do together..but the last month and a half she was in the hospital and i didnt work I was rite there at her side ..
    That still haunts my thoughts because the one time I decided to go do a liad to atlanta and back and on the way back. I got the call that. Her heart had stopped and they couldnt get her back ..i should have been with her..
    I cant het that out of my head of her being alone..
    I ahould have been there with her..
    Thank you for listenting..
    Like you ill get through this just really really tough..
    And im sorry for your loss
     
  9. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    Thank you I appreciate your condolences. I’m still pushing myself each day. It’s such a long hard journey, that zaps the strength out of you.
    We all tend to go down the trail of guilt. And I’m sorry you weren’t by her side when she passed. But she knew you loved her and knew you had been with her constantly. She felt your love and support. I wish I could have been by Ron’s side when he passed but they were feverishly working on him but couldn’t save him. They kept coming in to me with updates, some positive some very negative. They had just told me they hoped to get him to where they could do tests and put stents in. But shortly after that conversation I was told he passed. I can’t imagine being on the road and getting that news. She knew you wanted to be with her. My loss happened in 2 hours and I still have guilt over things. We all do it to ourselves. We loved them with everything and miss them so much so we must have messed up is what we do to ourselves. It’s unnecessary but we do it.
     
  10. Michael beck

    Michael beck Well-Known Member

    Ooh yes I am full of guilt..
    I cant imagine the pain you must have felt being there and going through that. What happened to windy and me not being there was bad enough..
    I kniw there would have been nothing i could have done.. But it haunts me not being there to hold her hands and letting her know just hiw much i love her. And to wait for me..
    It hurts so bad to not have her with me and the kids..my sister lost her husband 3 years ago and she still aint over it.. And hearing all your storys here lets me know its going to take a while if ever for me to get over this..
    Its the anxiety attacks i been having that are concerning me cause especially at nite when im alone in this truck that scare me..
    I read her bible and talk to her and God to help get me thru.. Still its scary.
     
  11. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    I’m sorry I didn’t mean to make you feel worse. But sadly it is a very long hard journey. Everyone grieves in their own way and time. Most of us put guilt on ourselves and we shouldn’t. We never want to let go, I made a memorial garden for my husband and have a stone that says, Forever wouldn’t be long enough. Isn't that the truth. I am in a better place then I was, but every day is still a struggle. Miss every single thing about him and our lives together. There are days I say it’s been long enough, please come home. For many months after his passing, sleep was so hard and that still is hard. I didn’t trust myself to drive,I knew I wasn’t thinking clearly. Eating, I’d pick at things but barely ate. Now I am sleeping some better, I do drive now and I do eat. But I loved to cook for Ron, now it’s just me and that makes me ache. The loneliness is so hard, doing things alone, no one to bounce ideas off of. I’m sorry you’re experiencing anxiety attacks, I’ve had my share too. Much fewer now. Try some breathing exercises


    Simple Breathing Exercises
    The next time you’re feeling anxious try this simple relaxation technique:


    • Inhale slowly and deeply through your nose. Keep your shoulders relaxed. Your abdomen should expand, and your chest should rise very little.
    • Exhale slowly through your mouth. As you blow air out, purse your lips slightly, but keep your jaw relaxed. You may hear a soft “whooshing” sound as you exhale.
    • Repeat this breathing exercise. Do it for several minutes until you start to feel better.3

    You can perform this exercise as often as needed. It can be done standing up, sitting down, or lying down. If you find this exercise difficult or believe it's making you anxious or panicky, stop for now. Try it again in a day or so and build up the time gradually.

    I was told to only do that while sitting or laying down.
    Stay talking with your children, FaceTime with your grandchildren. I don’t have grandchildren but I know children have a way to make you smile.
    ❤️
     
  12. Michael beck

    Michael beck Well-Known Member

    No no you didn't..
    I'm doing it to myself..
    Windy always was getting on me about dwelling on stuff so I try that breathing exercise and try to listen to her telling me to stop ..
    I do talk to my kids a lot more now too especially my daughter but I don't wanna burden her to much she has her baby girl and her life to deal with too
    Windys birthday us next month she would have been 53 the 14th of Aug.
    That's going to be a hard time for me too
     
  13. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    Well we all do it to ourselves. And your loss being so resent you’re going to continue for a while is my guess. I would feel awful if I ever said anything to anyone on here to make them feel worse or like it’s a useless effort to continue to try. I am quite a bit better from when Ron first passed. So eventually you feel some better. It creeps in slow, so you barely realize. Then one day you realize I’m crying less or I just had a memory and smiled.
    You know in your heart that Windy still loves you very much and she’s with you and doesn’t want you to feel this way. I don’t know if you believe in getting signs or visits from our loved ones but I’ve gotten signs that have to mean Ron is with me. I hope that happens for you. I lost my credit card and searched for days. Then one morning I got up and I had a message from Ron. He told me my credit card was in my car. I went straight to the garage and sure enough I found my card in the back on the floor. I recalled after finding it that my purse had fallen into back of the car and my card was in there loose. That was proof to me that Ron is watching over me and with me. I’ve had many visits or signs. He’s helped me through projects that I could do without his help.
    Yes birthdays and holidays are very hard. Only 4 days after Ron passed it was Thanksgiving. The night he passed we bought everything for our thanksgiving dinner. I can picture him searching through all the turkeys for the biggest one. I ended up having all my family over and cooking together. I didn’t do much but I had a house full. It’s hard. Then Christmas then his birthday in Feb. on Rons first birthday without him I sent out a group text asking family to share memories of Ron and I made his usual birthday dinner of Cornish hens for my daughter and I. My son lives in Florida but he talked with us.
    I understand your thinking of burdening your daughter but she’s grieving too and talking is the best way to heal, for her too.
    We’re all stronger then we think we are, I've learned that since I’m on the journey that was thrown at me.
     
  14. Michael beck

    Michael beck Well-Known Member

    Ooh yes I believe in the signs and so did windy. She had a thing about butterflies her and her mom .. And everytime we them when we are out they seem to cravitate towards us..
    Thats windys way of letting us know shes there..
    Very moving for us..
    Yes my daugter and two aons do grieve as well I just dont want to put all mine on them too.. They have my grandbabys to look after..
    But we do talk a lot..
    Share memorys and good times and things their mom used to say or do..
    I was complaining just the other bite when one of her medical machines we still have just turned on out of the blue.
    I was luke ok baby ill stop complaining
     
  15. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    Oh good! Many people think I’m nuts. I’m careful who I share with. But on here many people agree that there are signs from our loved ones. I get messages all the time from Ron, and from my parents. Others are relatives wanting me to share with their families that they’re ok. Those don’t always go well.
    Butterflies and birds are big signs for us. Especially since Ron knew all the butterfly species names in our area. He collected and mounted them as a young man. His Dad was very knowledgeable on birds and that hobby was brought into our home as well. After Ron’s dad passed which was only 1 1/2 years before Ron, Ron saw a very beautiful colorful bird rare to be seen here. Ron wanted me to see it but I missed it. He called out to the bird thanks for visiting Dad! I agree, the medical machine was Windy letting you know she’s with you. Gotta love it!
     
  16. Michael beck

    Michael beck Well-Known Member

    Ooh yes .. and I straightened up rite away just like I always did..
    She really knew how to make me behave.. Shes the only one that can..
    Does it sound like i may be holding on too tight..
    Sometimes i feel like that..
    I want her to rest in peace ..
    She deserves that much..
    But on the other hand I dont wanna let her go..
    Whats your opinion i really wanna know..
     
  17. Michael beck

    Michael beck Well-Known Member

     
  18. Michael beck

    Michael beck Well-Known Member

    I am sorry for loss too..
    Thank you for sharing your experience ..
    My windy was sick for quit some time due to cope..
    So her breathing had gotten qorse then we found out sge had cancer..
    And her kidneys wasnt working to potential..
    Finally her body was just to weak to keep going jer breathung took its toll ..
    I miss so so bad. It really hurts.. I love her so so much..
    Hugh hole in my life now..
    Thanks again and peace to you as well
     
  19. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    No I don’t think you’re holding on too tight. You’re only a couple weeks since your loss. Holding on is normal. Miss her and love her and remember every last thing, miss her some more. That’s love and grieving that wonderful love you miss so much. Your grieving your normal life, missing everything. Don’t feel concern. Like you said, there a huge hole in your life. I’ve referenced feeling like my left side is missing.
    I’m so sorry Windy suffered so much for so long. But you did do everything in your power to support and care and love her through it all.
     
  20. Michael beck

    Michael beck Well-Known Member

    Thank you I waa just affraid I. Might have been holding on too tight..
    I miss her so much thats true..
    She had long reddish hair i really love..
    When we first met I used to put it over my pillow and sleep on it..
    She said shedidnt mind it kept it out of face at nite..
    I miss cuddling and holding her ..
    Thank you for being honeat