It’s been a year and a half since I loss my mom to metastatic breast cancer. I go long periods of feeling okay. Well, as okay as I will ever be. But, tonight I’m drowning. My mom was my best friend. I never went more than a couple hours without talking to her and I was 26 when she passed. My mom was the kind of person you could talk to about anything or nothing at all. I know that I was blessed to have her as long as I did but I feel so empty, so scared without her. There’s so many things I wish I could’ve said or would’ve said. I was and am still so ashamed of myself. She was the one that was sick and no matter how hard I tried to be strong I just couldn’t hold it together. I just feel so alone. I have an amazing family. But, my father passed when I was 16 and my mom and grandma within 3 months of each other in 2018. I’m just so scared that I’ll never be able to truly be better. Better to where I don’t have to rush into the restroom to cry so my kids don’t hear. Better to where I don’t have crippling anxiety. I just want to feel normal again.
Hey Amy.....I've read your post and I've been through that dark path. I lost my mum in late 2018. All I can say is that you will eventually accept to live with the loss and you will be strong again. You will embrace the pain and it will shape and change you forever. Feel your feelings....mourn her in your own terms and if you ever need to talk...I'm here....
Thank you for your reply. It’s sad but nice to know that I’m not alone in my feelings. Some days are great and others it’s like I’m drowning. When I’m feeling sad the one person I want to talk to is the me that’s not there. My mom and I talked about everything. Nothing was off limits. I’ll never have anyone love me again as much as she did and that’s just a sad reality to face.
I hear you and i understand. My mother passed in may 2019. total devastation for one year. like you my mother was my best friend and go to person. I feel exactly the same as you. Just remember she is at peace and happy where she is and we shall be united when our own time comes. She loved you and she still does. The what ifs will always be there. I was so guilty that i didnt do better by her. But i know she is not mad at me. They just love us the same. They are waiting for us, happily. That makes me feel so much better. We miss them,we have sadness, that is the price of love. I guess we are changed forever when we lose a loved one. We just learn to exist without them. For me i talk to my mother all the time. I tell her i love her. I pray for peace and comfort and strength as you go through this. Hugs, Kaptu
