Loss of husband

Discussion in 'Loss of Spouse' started by Dianne_311, Apr 1, 2019.

  1. Dianne_311

    Dianne_311 New Member

    I lost my husband to a sudden stroke a few months ago We have been together for thirty years. Just going through daily routines I guess until I don't know what, until I can get used to what is my new life, a life I don't want. I am trying to plan some trips to give myself something to look forward to.
     
  2. griefic

    griefic Administrator Staff Member

    Hi Diane, I am so sorry for the loss of your husband. The loss of a spouse is so significant as it impacts every part of our daily life and routine. It takes time - a lot of time - more time than we can expect, to try and adjust to a life we don't want (funny you used those words because I say that all the time).
    Giving yourself something to look forward to is a wonderful coping tool - as is trying to find people to connect with who can understand the depth of the pain you are feeling. I'm glad you have found us and I hope we can be a help to you.
     
  3. Angelina

    Angelina Member

    Hi Diane, I am very sorry for your loss and can relate entirely. I lost my dear, sweet husband of 28 years in November after a 4 month struggle with cancer. It nags at me - who am I in this world without him? I am trying not to look to far ahead. I find that although I am so, so sad, if I stay in the moment I can laugh when the opportunity presents itself, enjoy the stories of my friends the way I always have, share my stories and in general feel like myself some of the time. Contemplating the years ahead really scares me - I don't want to see myself without him. This feeling that I have like the sky has fallen is somehow more manageable in the moment. It is really hard to articulate. I get it though, this is very intense.
     
  4. Dot Reichart

    Dot Reichart New Member

    I lost my husband of 25 yrs. from a stomach aneurism. He was working 3 hrs away, I was 10 min from hospital when dr. Called and had me pull over so he could tell my husband had passed. So I sat on the side of the road alone and in shock. can not seem to find a way to move forward. I am sad all the time, all I seem to do is go through the motions anymore. Everything in my life flipped upside down. I really try to start new everyday, but doesn't seem to work. I feel like everyone avoids me, being around me sad all the time, friends have moved on not knowing what to say. Family has gone on with their daily lives. After 6 months I still cant eat much or sleep, I have this huge hole that my husband use to fill. I know I have to find my new normal, just cant seem to get there.
     
  5. Angelina

    Angelina Member

    Dot, I am so sorry. I know that terrible hole in the soul well. I have three grown children. That helps me try to be brave or just act like I am. They have their own heartache to deal with so I try hard to show them that I am sad but OK. My sister lost her husband 6 weeks before my loss. She told me that she was going to have a year of “yes”. If someone asks her to do something she says yes. Lost and without a plan of my own I am doing that also. I don’t want to do anything but I make myself. I can’t say that I am fine but I do have some normal moments when I can step away from the sadness and be there for other people. Sometimes it feels like I am pretending but sometimes it feels good. It is so hard. I lost my dad when I was 26 and my mom 4 years ago. I learned from those losses that grief is very isolating. While talking to people is comforting and reminds me that I am connected to others in this life, the grief is mine to bear.