loss of a dad at young age and still trying to cope.

i was 13 years old when my whole world went down in a dark place. i wanna share my story because i’d feel that it would make me feel better. i was only 13 when a extremely traumatic thing had happened. i found my dad dead and his body/face was pale/blue. i tried to flip him on his side (like the 911 operator had told me to do), and i heard a gurgle in his throat (death rattle) and i blame myself because i couldn’t save his life. but i did have a dream about him 3 days ago which had helped me accepted his death.