I'm not really sure how this works but I guess I'll just dive right into it... I was what people would call a popular loner in school. I didn't have that many friends but I knew a lot of people and a lot of people knew me. There was nothing wrong, at the time I just didn't have the need for friends. I only ever needed one person in my life. My mom. We did absolutely everything together. She used to call me her shadow. Wherever she went I followed. My dad would always make jokes and say how the umbilical cord was never cut. I never imagined life without her. Ever. I still don't really understand how I manage life without her. People constantly ask how I do it and say "if that was me I couldn't go on" or "you're so strong" there are times when I question that strength that they talk about because I am only "strong" because I have to be. I am only functioning because I have to be. There are so many times in a day where I just want to give up and quit. When I would express that to people I would always here "she wouldn't want you to give up". "she wouldn't want you to cry" or "she would want you to continue to do what she taught you" It's so much easier said than done. Losing the one person who matters most to you in the world is the worst feeling imaginable. It was like someone stabbed me in the chest except I just won't die. I just continue to feel the pain every single day. Every single day is a choice on whether or not I'm going to just be better than I was yesterday. The choice doesn't get easier to make. It doesn't get better as time goes by. It hurts just the same. I just know how to deal with it better than before. I don't know, I cam on here because this was the only place I could just say what I wanted and not be judged about it and that feels good. But it's sad that anyone has to come on here at all.