Karen, thank you so much for writing to me. All of us missed you. Don't feel that
you have to keep up with my long winded
writing. The fact is that I'm a quiet listener
in person. When I write, I let my emotions
flow. A couple from Pa. came to my local
bar, the Shack, one night, a year after
Linda's death. They were spiritual &
wanted to know about my life in a town
by the sea. They are in their 50s, very
kind, no children. They love where I live
so much that they visit every March &
Oct. In between visits, the husband writes
letters the old fashioned way. I send post
cards and articles about my town. Bc I'm
retired, I write more than he does. I look forward to seeing them next month. I'm so
sorry about your son, Allan, and your very
sad anniversary on Sat, the 18th. I cried
when you wrote about your last moments
with Jack. It's been 2 years and 9 months
since Linda's sudden death. I cry every
morning before I walk outside. I get better
during the day when I have certain missions & people to see. I go to bed the
same time every night, partly from being
tired after all that walking, and partly from my medications, which make me
sleepy. But, even after a night's sleep, grief
takes it's still & I sometimes feel fatigued
during the day. 9/11 was a trigger for me,
bc Linda & I were on a vacation, heading
for Canada, when we saw the horrific
news on TV. Something in me snapped
and made me paranoid about living in a
city---any city. Linda was the practical one
& had to get a job, as a waitress, at 50, bc
I was in no shape emotionally. I try not to
think of that period, bc it was a lot tougher
for Linda to be a waitress at that age, than
when she was 20. Hence, survivor's guilt.
As I told Deb & Carole, after Linda died,
I couldn't listen to ANY music. I would just
weep. Now, I can, & just cry once in a while. In answer to your question, I'm
" better" than I was, but I will never "get
over" Linda's death, nor should I. Even if
I were to be involved with another woman, she would never replace Linda
in my heart and mind. I found Center for
Loss, a great website. Every day, they send
me an email, which can be a quote, or
meditation, for the day, I know you have
difficulty reading books right now, but
these sayings, by email, are quite comforting. I asked Karyn Arnold, founder
of Grief in Common, and she thought it
was wonderful. God Bless, Karen, and
write, even if it's a sentence, or two. Lou
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