My younger brother, Adam, died when he was 18 years old (this past February). I know I am supposed to be feeling better, but I am not. Sometimes I just feel as though I will never be happy again. I cry every single day, but I can't tell anyone that because it is too much by their standards. Adam was the most incredible kid ever, and I wish I would've died instead of him. He brought so much goodness into the world and touched everyone he met, (over 600 people came to his funeral). I'm attending an out-of-state college and have never felt more alone. I have some friends out here, but they don't know anything about how I am still struggling daily. Honestly, I don't think they'd want to be my friend if they knew how sad I was so I pretend to be happy. I had one friend out here who I felt like I could talk to about it (although he didn't know even half of it), but I developed strong feelings for him because I felt like he was the only person in the world who made me believe I was going to be okay despite losing Adam. These feelings weren't reciprocated and now I feel like I have lost the only friend I had in this state that I could talk to about that. Do you guys cry everyday? How long does the pain last before you can start thinking of them in a happy way? I am just so devastated and I don't know what to do. Sometimes I feel like I can't breathe. He was my baby brother, my sweet, innocent baby brother and I loved him more than life itself. I also have nightmares every single night. It is always of me trying to save him from some weird situation, and me never being able to figure out how. Everyone has some trial in their life. I don't understand why I can't get past mine.
Sorry to hear about your brother. There is no time limit on grieving. Everyone grieves in their own way and in their own time. Does the university have a counselor you can see?
