Losing my Love of My Life

Discussion in 'Loss of Spouse' started by LaVera Borkholder, Feb 1, 2017.

  1. LaVera Borkholder

    LaVera Borkholder New Member

    My Husband was diagnosed with mantle cell lymphoma on Valentine's Day . Started treatment on March 2. Then had kidney failure and the doctor changed all his chemotherapy treatment . 6 months later he did s stem cell transplant in IU Hospital in Indianapolis. He never recovered. My world has been upside down . We were married 33 years and he was only 55. Jesus is my friend anchor and gives me my daily wisdom. I could not get up in the morning or face another day without him. I have a lot of lonely times and alone times . I try to stay busy and with people as much as possible. Would love to hear from you.
  2. griefic

    griefic Administrator Staff Member

    LaVera, thank you for being here. I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. We recognize what a very difficult time this is and know that there are others who can understand what you are going through. Posting in our forums is a great way to connect, but you can also search for other members by going to "Make a Connection" and then "Find Others Who Are Grieving". There you can look for others by using the criteria that is important to you. We always suggest keeping it rather general for your first search (perhaps searching only for others who have lost a spouse) but you can always narrow it down as you go. If you have any questions please let us know. And again, thank you for finding us - I hope we can be a help. Please take care~
  3. Ellen C

    Ellen C Guest

    Dear LaVera:
    I am very sorry about your husband. Yes, he was very young and it's been a relatively short amount of time since you lost him. I admire you for having the strength to reach out and connect with people. I'm sure that's difficult for you. And it's good that your faith is important to you and you rely on that to help you get through each day.
    I certainly am no stranger to loss and grief, having lost so many people in the last 15 years. My only daughter, my beloved Dad and my Mom last May. And in between that I had to put my 19 year old cat to sleep and also file for divorce from my husband of 19 years. We were together for 25 and for the last 10 years of my marriage he was having an affair. Although he's still alive, getting over that is also like a death. So I guess you could say that I've had very little time to come up for air.
    I have survived all of this by keeping busy myself and mostly reaching out to others to not only seek comfort, but provide it as well. We're all fighting the same battle and you can never have enough compassion and understanding.
    And being an animal lover, I did rescue another pet who was abandoned by her owners. Truth be told, she rescued me even more so. It's amazing how animals can help you heal your heart.

    Just take your time and feel your emotions and don't rush the grief process. Only you can be the judge of when you're ready to return to some sort of normalcy in your life. No, it will never be the same without your beloved husband, but life will get easier as your ability to cope improves. The best advice I can offer is to do whatever makes you comfortable, safe and a bit better at this point in time. Be kind to yourself.

    Don't hesitate to reach out whenever you want to chat or vent or whatever you need.

    Be well and take good care~Ellen
  4. one cup

    one cup New Member

    My husband, too! AML leukemia, 18 months of treatment including a stem cell transplant, a relapse last spring, more treatment until finally coming home for eight days with hospice visits. We thought we were working toward remission and renewed health until the doc said nothing more to do for him. It's only been two months ago he passed. I feel so alone!
  5. LindaU

    LindaU Member

  6. LindaU

    LindaU Member

    I am so very sorry for both your losses. I lost my husband, Joe in October, 2015. We were caregivers to each other. I had severe back problems for most of our marriage and Joe did the cooking and shopped. He needed some help at the end, but not much. I was and am very unhappy with the medical care he received. My husband and I were very close. I retired early due to the back problems, so I never got the chance to make friends. Then we moved and I never made friends here either. Joe wanted me with him as much as possible. I think the first year I was in shock and disbelieve and now in the second year I am finally accepting reality. Joe was my soulmate, the love of my life and my best friend. Now I have to accept that he is gone for good and I am alone and lonely for my Joe. I still cry every day. I have found that exercise helps and our local hospice offers grief classes so you can better understand the grief. They also have some social occasions that are a good place to find friends that understand what you are going though. Keep in touch. We also understand and you find out that you are not alone.
  7. one cup

    one cup New Member

    Linda, I appreciate your thoughtful response. I’m just coming back to the group after 3 years. Thank you and sorry I didn’t stay in touch. You and Joe were much like me and my husband it seems. We took care of each other. I miss that.
  8. LindaU

    LindaU Member

    Hi LaVera- your note was funny. I haven’t been on the site in a long time. I hope you are doing well. I feel like the overwhelming depression, sadness and anxiety will never end. I am so alone without my Joe. At first, I tried to be social, excerize, etc, but I’ve pretty much given up on all that. Nothing interests me any more. My grief seems to be even greater than right after Joe died. Everything feels so hopeless. I know this is sad, sorry. Best wishes, Linda.
  9. Hi! I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my husband of 30 years on Nov. 9th 2019. He was my world. I also lost him in Indianapolis hospital. Stroke which caused a brain bleed and a massive heart attack. He was 47 years old. Please reply I would love to talk with you
  10. Cora1961

    Cora1961 Well-Known Member

    Beth, I also lost my husband in October 2019. It just seems so unreal. He was only 59 years old. Some rare form of cancer, he went through chemotherapy twice, then doctors said nothing more they could do. He passed fast, it was just so weird. He was doing so well. So many questions and what if’s that it drives u crazy. So I try to stay busy with my kids, grandchildren and my father who just turned 83. We lost my mother February 2016. He says u never get over it but just learn how to deal with it. I guess you do but not there yet. U just never think at so young we would be in thus stage of our lives. Like you, my husband was my soulmate, love of my life , friend, my everything. Now u just don’t know where u fit in and your life is turned upside down. Hope u are doing okay and have some family around to help you. Let me know if u would love to talk. Good luck and god bless