I lost best friend and partner in 2013. Still even today I have very bad days around the event. They say there is no timeline on grief and it seems like that is right. Some days I just sit and think all day about what happened and feel terrible. It feels like I am stuck in a cycle that now has no comfort even in melancholia. Dose anyone else relate to this and if so is there anything you can suggest.
It's been a year for me. Some days I'm fine but lately it'd not so good, I feel like part of me died with her and I don't know what to do. Everyone tells me go out, do something but I just don't want to I have my family and hers but it's just not the same,they don't understand . I'm retired and it's not easy trying to go out even if I wanted to I just don't know what to.do eitjer
"I feel like part of me died with her " yes I have said exactly the same words. I could be totally wrong but for me now its like she left a giant whole in my life and I need to find something to replace the vacuum that was left in my life. I have tried lots of activities but still I'm left with a sense of emptiness and not the Buddhist kind. I know from what I can gather some personality types are more prone to get stuck in the grieving process than others. Im currently seeing a councillor and I think the healthy idea is a circle of friends who understand. I guess its like a rebuilding process after our world has collapsed. I wish I had a simple answer for you and me and the others who suffer this kind of problem but I'm kind of badly lost today also.
I'm so sorry for your loss . We both lost the love of our lives and it's very difficult to carry on. I don't know what I'm going to do for the rest of mine still trying to figure that out. I applaud u for going to counseling I'm sure that will help. It's so hard when u don't know what to do I find it difficult to go out anywhere because I'm used to her being with me We live in a small town and didn't have any friends who were gay to associate with We were either alone or with our families which I thank God we have. We all are suffering her loss but none the same as me. I'm praying that I'll find my path in life as I hope u do as we try to cope with our loss.
Thanks for your kind reply and your encouragement to keep going to see the councillor. I'm sorry your feeling stuck and I understand how painful and depressing it is. Your lucky to have family as it helps ,in the long run to have like reference points to your past to process events around. Maybe that's not always a good thing but in my mind its mostly good. I got thrown out of the family when she died and that added to the situation of being stuck as I kinda felt I had no anchors to the past to orientate myself to and help process the mess of the past. So hence I was like lost at sea in the mess for a very long time and it became like a monster that ate the best part of me up. The councillor is helping and I do not feel a bad as I did last week. Maybe the trick is to start building something new in life little by little. I'm not an expert in this life. I do have a meditation teacher who I trust and he has been a help also. I'm sure I will go into feeling bad again but maybe not so bad I hope. My meditation teacher said that grief is like swallowing a jagged rock and having it in your tummy. It obviously hurts allot however over time the jagged parts wear smooth and although its obviously still there ,its smooth and it hurts less and eventually we learn to live around it and are even at peace with it and feelings of loss. I guess I'm a slow learner. If that makes any sense. I hope you feel better soon maybe baby steps is the idea.
I wouldn't agree that it up the best part of you,you're seeking help and you r still here that tells me you r still trying Neither of r lives will ever b the same after r loss I know that but we have to try. I like the analogy your.meditation teacher made with the jagged rock, I've never heard that bfore,makes sense My sister is always trying to get me to go to senior events but I keep telling her that's for old people I'm not like that lol. Anyway I'm feeling a little better this week I hope u continue to make progress on your journey.
Thanks for you reply and encouragement. Anntv I guess some days are worse than others and some weeks are worse than others. Yeah I think the answer is a circle of friends who can have a range of feelings they can experience and share from happy to very sad ,and everything in between. Feeling isolated with it all is the worst and that's different from being alone at times. Unfortunately internet can not provide real time friends and I do not think it ever will. Its a good tool but no substitute for having a real time coffee and chat with some one or a group who are mature enough to accept a full range of feelings and you feel you can trust enough to be yourself with. Its called community. Its difficult times for community during Covid. Thanks for the reply I'm glad your feeling a bit better.
