It's been 3 years & I cry so hard I can't breathe, yet I'm the "Clown" & jokester at work.... My heart literally ACHES missing him SOOO much..., but I walk around singing (like he used to)... I struggle to get him off my mind, so I can give the love that's left over to the living. I cry myself to sleep knowing "No, he's really not coming back"... I've searched for a psychic or medium to get me in touch with him somehow, but never followed through. I pretend im happy when I'm not , I look at his photos ALL the time. I have one voicemail still saved on my phone. I listen to it repeatedly.... I have so much in my life to be grateful for.... Yet the VOID has made me numb... No more butterflies, no more major excitement. I am so sad & I miss Steve SOOO much. I just went through his 3rd year loss of life on January 18th.. I'm not getting any better on the outside, but pretending on the inside.