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Layers and layers to get through

Discussion in 'Coping After a Sudden Loss' started by ElizabethBen, Jul 4, 2019.

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  1. ElizabethBen

    ElizabethBen Member

    Last year me, my husband, my daughter, and my mother decided to go for lunch at a restaurant near my moms house. One hour later my mother was dead, my teen daughter had internal injuries, my husband broke his ankle and ribs, I broke my heel- sternum-hand-and some ribs. We lay on a back road highway among three others who died and one other survivor. An irresponsible driver killed four people that day and the remaining survivors are still trying to piece together our new life’s. My guilt about surviving the day, being forever grateful my daughter lived, and being unable to save my family is crushing sometimes. I miss my mom..every so often my breath is stolen away with grief and guilt. I cruise along for few days and then pick up the phone to call her.. The quiet of the dead is weirdly loud. Any one else dealing with trauma and grief?
     
  2. Emma Sam

    Emma Sam Member

    I’m Sorry for your loss it’s never easy and it feels as though you never going to get over it. My husband passed in February 8 2019 and it was from pneumonia and fungus in the lungs. He had a low immune system which only complicated things we were going to be married 23 years. He was 59.
     
  3. ElizabethBen

    ElizabethBen Member

    I can’t imagine the pain of losing my husband. I am so sorry, it sounds like it was unexpected and fast. I try to think of how she would want me to live on but then there’s times I’m so incredibly sad and mad.
     
    Kia likes this.
  4. Emma Sam

    Emma Sam Member

    I definitely understand being sad and mad. I’m not a parent but as a parent I’m sure she would want you to move forward and I’ve been told that the whole grieving Process will take awhile as I am learning now. And everyone is different some take longer to heal then others.
     
  5. Kriss

    Kriss Well-Known Member

    I lost my husband of 30 years this past May. Suddenly with a heart attack. Within three hours after the call to 911 he was gone. I can’t stop crying
     
  6. ElizabethBen

    ElizabethBen Member

    Omg Kriss, I can understand the crying! It’s crazy how your day started one way and ended abruptly and irreversibly another. I couldn’t cry for two days...I couldn’t mourn her because I was trying to keep my family, friends, and me
    Informed and literally filling out paperwork and depositions. You must be drained I can’t imagine, how are your family or his family?
     
  7. Kriss

    Kriss Well-Known Member

    Totally get the paperwork. I got mad and even lost a few family members at the time cuz they were pushing and I couldn’t do it so they got mad. They are now talking to me again but it’s a daily struggle. My son is having a real hard time. Stays in his room and drinks. His dad keeps telling me he is fine but don’t know how he really is doing. They all go about their lives and I sit here and look at all my hubbys things and cry. I can’t box it but I can’t look at it either. A daily struggle.
     
  8. ElizabethBen

    ElizabethBen Member

    Its awful to see your kids sad! My daughter unfortunately was sitting next to my mom in the backseat and saw her passing...we got her therapy but it didn’t really help her, her friends were amazing and took her out of the house to go do teenager stuff...even with her on crutches. I definitely drink more than I should, I’ve slowed down now but it was a hard time. You keep his stuff till your ready! There’s no timeline.
     
  9. Kriss

    Kriss Well-Known Member

    Thanks for your support. Unfortunately I do need to get on one thing rather quickly and i a, totally agreeable with it. We need to sell our fifth wheel camper. It’s too big for me and this is the time of year for sales. I agree it needs to go now but they are all posting ads for me but nobody wants to come out and help me pack it up. I can’t do it. Every time I walk out there I bawl. They are all good at telling me but nobody helps me when I need it. My son is 25 still lives with me Good kid but has turned to beer and his room. He has no friends.
     
  10. ElizabethBen

    ElizabethBen Member

    No one can understand the logistics of it all! My dad sold their house one month later and basically threw out everything...my mother would have been horrified! But we were all still going through surgeries and couldn’t help him move..in the long run it’s just stuff I had to let go. I think he regrets moving so fast but it did help in the long run...ripped the bandaid off, get that son to help you!
     
  11. Emma Sam

    Emma Sam Member

    I’m so sorry Kriss. I know it’s so hard and your just in shock for a while. Everyone tries to help but you just don’t know what to do. I could not stop crying so I contacted my doctor and he prescribed some medication to help me. I can’t seem to let Go of his things I just don’t understand sometimes. And after awhile everyone else starts to go on with their lives. Which they are suppose to do but your still in the same space and you don’t know how your going to move on. You need to get your son to help.
     
  12. Kriss

    Kriss Well-Known Member

    I’m trying to get my son to help but he can’t get thru it either. He lost another great man a month before his father. So he is going thru a sudden loss of two great men in his life. I have a daughter also she is married and lives about 45 minutes away. She seems a little colder to me. She wants me to get stuff done but says it thru a call or text. She isn’t out here helping me go Thru it or sitting here looking at all her dads things. I know she is dealing with it her way but it’s easy just to tell me what to do but not have to deal with any of it. I’m so tired of people wanting to help but then makes it harder cuz they are always asking me what to do with this or do I want that. It’s harder on me that way. I don’t want to turn the help,away out of fear of losing friends but I don’t know what to do
     
    aharddaysnight likes this.