Keeping busy only relief from pain of losing husband

Lost my husband four months ago - we were married for 56 years and have a very large family - he was my life. The pain seems to be getting worse - the only thing that helps is keeping busy and active - I am getting pretty old and have some heart issues so when I’m really busy I get very tired but I’ve decided that tired is better than feeling the pain of losing him.

 

I'm sorry for loss. You're right though keeping busy helps. I pray you get stronger with each passing.

 

Dear Susan, I am sorry for your loss and for the pain it has brought with it. I believe you are doing everything you can to get through this. As you say, anything is better than having to deal with the awful truth of what has happened. I am glad you have found a way to get through some of this. Keep on and you will find your way out of this terrible darkness. I care about you. Chris

 

I know your Pain, Susan. None of this is easy. We are not built to be alone...

 

My husband passed away almost 10 weeks ago. The pain is getting worse for me too. I can't stop thinking about my husband, 24/7. Sometimes the thoughts that seem to appear out of nowhere are beautiful, happy memories, and I cry... Sometimes they're very painful ones, and I cry... I can't stop crying. Like you, I've found that keeping busy helps. After I took a long walk this morning, showered, made coffee, I had to get out of the house. I couldn't stand the thought of spending most of the afternoon, and the entire evening, alone and lonely... I ran errands that I didn't need to do. I went window shopping even though I knew I wasn't going to buy anything. Every day I try to keep as busy as possible. Nights are the hardest. I don't want to be around anyone except my husband. There is no escaping the reality that he is never coming home. I would do anything to be able to wrap my arms around him, tell him how much I love him, not have to spend another sleepless night in our bed, alone, lonely without him... I know this doesn't help, but I'm so sorry you're going through all this pain too. Sending hugs your way, wishing all of us peace... DEB321

 

Everything word is pretty much right on how I feel, Deb. I lost my Precious Linda a little over weeks ago and feel EXACTLY the same way. Sending Hugs your way...

 

I too lose my life partner 3 months ago and the memories of our life encounters consume me every day. We met when I was 14 years old and I fell in love with him that day. I'm 65 and can still remember what he was wearing that night and the nervous feeling of butterflies that took over my stomach when I saw him for the first time! On June 23 we would of celebrated our 37th year of marriage which does not include the 3 years we lived together before the wedding. That's over 1 billion seconds of time with someone. More than the time I grew up and lived with my family. How terrible it is for us to experience?? I received a standard survivor letter from the ss office today reviewing my misery. The sentence " The marriage ended by death on March 8 2021" This upset me so much the fact that my marriage ended or is over or that I'm single now what I'm not supposed to wear my wedding rings anymore!! OMG. I'm sorry for venting its touch month Sunday is his birthday and Father's Day (we have two adult sons and one grandson) and then the wedding anniversary 3 days later. Hard time you know . My thoughts and prayers to you all. Thanks for sharing

 

Thank you for sharing this with me. Although there is nothing anyone can do or say to take away any of the pain, I hope you find some small comfort in knowing you're not alone... I understand. I'm so very sorry for your loss... Sending hugs to you too, wishing you, all of us peace... DEB321

 

I cried when I got the standard survivor letter from the social security office. It reminded me of how "cold" the world can be. It made my husband's death seem that much more "real." Although legally we're no longer married, I can't imagine not feeling married to my husband. As long as you want to wear your rings, wear them. Whatever feels right for you, is the right thing to do. Tomorrow is going to be a difficult day for me too, but I can only imagine how painful it will be for you, having your husband's birthday fall on Father's Day, then three days later, your wedding anniversary... Our oldest son's birthday was three days before my husband passed away. He died three weeks after his birthday, and almost a month before mine. Special days are the hardest... I'm so sorry... Many hugs... Wishing you peace, all of us peace... DEB321

 

Thank you Deb321. Will I survived yesterday. I had a plan for the day starting with church and then going to the cemetery with family. On my anniversary Wed I'm going out to dinner with a very close girlfriend. I glad I'm not the only one that reacted to the SS letter proves I a right about their insensitivity. And your right I'm going to continue proudly wearing my wedding rings for as long as it feels right. Thank you again for the support it truly helps. Hope you are doing well today,!

 

i havent yet dealt with ss. you get a letter saying the marraige ended due to death??no way....im sorry.imo im still married.....i consider myself my husbands widow but he will always & forever be my husband.....

 

I lost my spouse and bestie of 49 years 4 weeks ago and his dog (who he loved) died the following Friday after his death. So say it was an unforgettable week is Understatement. All our kids were home for funeral and stayed on for 3 weeks but now. I’m alone and it gets tougher everyday. This coming week my husband would have celebrated his 71st birthday and mind boggling is Thanksgiving and Christmas, too much and trying to put into prospective is not working. I find myself talking to him...raising my fist to the sky with expletives pouring out of my mouth...crying constantly..

 

Thank you for your honest words. There is a grief support group called GriefShare. They will be holding special meetings on how to cope over the holidays. Some groups meet online and some groups meet in person. If you go to their website, www.GriefShare.org/findagroup, and put in your zip code, you will be able to see if there are any groups near you. Let me know if this is any help to you.
Hugs and love,
Chris