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Just can’t let it go

Discussion in 'Coping After a Sudden Loss' started by Smarissa_smavis, Jan 26, 2020.

  1. Smarissa_smavis

    Smarissa_smavis New Member

    It’s been almost 6 months since my best friend of 15 years suddenly passed away. We met when I was 16, and Steph became my first girlfriend. We dated for 2 years and as we grew up we knew we worked better as friends. We had both struggled with addiction issues and had our own ups and downs together and separate. In Jan 2019, Steph called me and told me that Steph was homeless and needed somewhere to stay during this upcoming snowstorm. Steph came and stayed with myself and my wife and lived with us for the next two months. Steph had been clean for almost a year, I helped My friend get a job working for me at a factory doing cleaning, gave food and clothes and rides and everything I could to help. After a few months Steph saved up enough money to finally get license back, buy a Jeep, and get an apartment. Steph moves out and into the new apartment and met a new friend. The night of July 16th 2019, Steph and I had a little argument about something at work.. Steph texted me around 8pm that night and apologized.. I was still pissed and wanted the night to cool off. The next morning I text Steph and said I was sorry. A few hours later I find out Steph died that night.

    Steph had relapsed and used that night. The girl that was with Steph left my friend, and drove off in Steph’s Jeep while my friend died. I can’t seem to let it go. The fact that I was angry and didn’t respond till the next morning.. the fact my friend died from a heroin overdose when I’m an EMT and I spend my days rescuing people from overdoses.. and that I lost someone who meant the world to me.

    It’s been almost 6 months and it just pulls my heart apart. My wife is just watching me fall apart and not knowing how to help. I don’t know how to help myself. Steph was 32.. so full of life. It’s not fair. I just need my friend back. I know it won’t happen but I don’t know how to deal with it.
     

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  2. SouthernGal

    SouthernGal Member

    How
    How are you doing? I hate to hear how you lost your best friend. Try not to beat yourself up for you not answering her the night before. It sounds like you and your wife did a lot to help her out. We can’t explain why things happen the way they do sometimes but we can choose how we react. Maybe you can find ways to celebrate the memory of your friend with your wife. Talk about the good times ya had. I’m glad you have your wife with you and I hope she’s being helpful. I wish you peace. Let me know how you are doing. I’m recently disabled and have plenty of time to chat. My mom died Jan 20th and I found this site to connect with other grievers.