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June 18th 2020

Discussion in 'Suicide Loss' started by Grannyady, Jul 31, 2020.

  1. Grannyady

    Grannyady New Member

    My husband and soulmate committed suicide by hanging. I found him in the garage. I had to cut him down, call 911 and try CPR but I knew it was too late. Didn't see it coming at all. We had a great relationship. Met on Tinder of all places and it was an immediate connection. We married 11-4-2016. I was 19 1.2 years older but anyone who knew us knew we were perfect for each other. I am devastated. I've been back to work 3 weeks and I am tired pf appearing strong. I cry when I wake up, cry at lunch, cry at night. I miss him so much. We had so many adventures and just a really great life. I am going through counseling, under dr's care but I am struggling. I want to feel his arms around me again. Smell him. Rub his bald head. I miss him beyond words. I'm just tired of faking it. I wake up and first thing I say is this really didn't happen. But then I see his box of ashes and know its true. I just want him back home with me.
  2. I'm very sorry. The longer you bond the harder the grief. Stay strong my friend.
  3. soichih

    soichih New Member

    I am sorry so sorry for what you are going through. We lost our child to suicide 7 weeks ago. For a while, every morning I wake up, I thought it was all just a bad nightmare. When I realize that it's still real, I then just stayed in bed crying. All 3 of us family did that for weeks.
  4. Shannon Lee

    Shannon Lee Member

    I'm so very sorry...
  5. Mammawx4

    Mammawx4 New Member

    I experienced this exact thing with my husband. Found him hanging in the garage, cut him down, tried COR although I knew it was too late. He passed in July of 2019. We had been married 25 years and still fell asleep every night holding hands. I can only tell you that the image WILL fade over time, the guilt will wax and wane, the anger is to be expected- after all, he killed someone you love. Don’t be too hard on the people who say things to you that really fit the way you feel or that don’t apply to your situation. They don’t know what else to say because there is nothing to say. They mean well. Remember, you and you alone know what your relationship was, how strong your love was, and still is. I have not yet gotten past wanting to feel his hand in mine when I fall asleep or wanting to hear his voice on the phone when he calls. But I can tell you this: I know with certainty that he loved me beyond measure and my greatest sadness comes from knowing how much pain he must have been in to decide that taking his own life was the only way to end it. You love him still, and that’s okay. That’s good. Do one thing every night before bed; talk out loud to him. Whether you’re lonely or angry or want to share something with him, anything you’re feeling, share it out loud with him. You’ll find he’s not entirely gone.
    soichih likes this.