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It’s been 2 years and I still can’t cope

Discussion in 'Suicide Loss' started by Hazanny, Jul 1, 2020.

  1. Hazanny

    Hazanny New Member

    It’s been 2 years since I lost my loved one. He was 20 years old at the time. I feel guilt and anxious everyday there’s not a day when he’s not on my mind. I’m young just a teen so I’m not sure how to handle this.

    I miss being able to talk to him and hear him laugh and smile, I don’t even remember what he sounds like anymore and I hate myself for that. He’s something my family avoids talking about so I can’t even ask them for support or help and I feel like I’m suffering alone. I realise how he must have felt in his life and I hate hate myself for it. How did I not see the signs.

    I was meant to talk at his memorial but I couldn’t gather the courage to do so. I have so many regrets and I don’t know how to cope. I have nobody to talk about it with and I just feel lonely. I feel guilty for talking about it with my friends and my family just ignores it happens. How can I cope with his death if I can’t even talk about it.

    please can you give me some tips on how to cope I just can’t do it anymore I miss him so much.
  2. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    I’m so sorry you’re struggling so much, and having no support. You’re right in saying you need to talk about your loss. It is important in the healing process.
    Not being able to speak at his memorial is understandable. That’s hard to do and you’re full of emotions that are next to impossible to hold back in order to talk. But you’re friend knew the love you each shared, he knows how you loved him. I believe he’s watching over over you and trying to help guide you.
    My loss is of my husband, together 44 years married 41 years. We spent all our time together, owned a business together, he’s my everything. I use present tense because I can still feel his presence, and I use that and him as my inspiration to keep going. He passed from a sudden and massive heart attack, 19 months ago, he was very healthy, it was a total and complete shock.
    I’m doing much better then when this first happened, but there’s definitely ups and downs. I’ve had a rough couple of weeks. Maybe a month actually, started with our wedding anniversary on June 4th, then Father’s Day, 4th of July, and things around our home needing attention it all just feels overwhelming.
    What helps me the most is trying to stay busy, keeps my mind active. Getting outside and breathing in fresh air. Going for a walk, enjoy nature. I also do breathing exercises that have been very helpful. Talking about your loss is very helpful, use this site for that. Share your story and read others, it does help. Come here often. I’m sorry your support is pretty much all gone, I’m afraid that’s normal, it happens pretty quickly. People just don’t understand so they think moving on and not talking about the loss is the way to go. They’re wrong, but they don’t know what to do
    Keep pushing forward, towards better days.
  3. Hoping

    Hoping New Member

    So sorry for your loss. I lost my son to suicide without any warning. Two years ago my husband after he shot me he took his life. I still cry over both of them feel somehow it's my fault.i miss them both a lot. My son was 2007 but you never get over the hole in your heart. Life is never the same. You just exist in some ways going through the motions day to day. Here to talk.
  4. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    I’m so sorry. You’ve come to right place. People on this site all understand the pain that comes with these losses. It’s true, we just start to exist and go through the motions. Nothing feels ok any more, there’s a lot of struggles. I’m doing better then when i first lost Ron, but it’s still very hard. I know this site has helped me a lot. Just knowing you’re not alone in how you feel and ghat people care and respond without judging, is all very helpful.
    Try not to blame yourself, you’re also a victim in this. They weren’t well and sadly didn’t seek help. It’s not your fault. We all tend to have guilt after losing our loved ones but really we shouldn’t. I go there too. In my head I think we’re there signs of health issues, did I call 911 fast enough. He passed in 2 hours. There’s really not much time to do anything except help him in the moment. And I did that. But when he yelled I love you Robin many times that night waiting to get pushed in the ambulance, I sure wish I answered him. I thought he was going to be ok. I sure was wrong.
    None of this is easy, but we need to keep trying.
  5. Hoping

    Hoping New Member

    Thank you for your condolences. Yes I wonder if it's my fault many times. Why didn't I see the signs? In one suicide I did and he made an appointment to talk to someone the very next day so I had hope wasn't worried as much help was on the way. Then he shot me that night and I found out the next day in the Hospital my husband was gone. I've endured 5 suicides and it's been horrendous. Thank you for writing me. How do you cope ?
  6. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    It’s not your fault, try not to blame yourself. Miss them, grieve them and definitely love them.
    I read that he shot you in a previous post, I hoped it was a typo. I’m sorry you had to go through that.
    Coping is hard, I miss my soul mate and our wonderful life together. I live a day at a time and push forward because I know Ron would want me to. I still want to make him proud. I use him as my inspiration every day. I still struggle, the fact that all our plans are gone overwhelms me. But I do my best to push forward. Staying busy helps so much, but doing too much isn’t good either.
    I do deep breathing exercises often too.
    Visit this site often.