*DAYTIME AND EVENING GENERAL GRIEF GROUPS AVAILABLE EVERY WEEK* CLICK HERE TO JOIN US!

I'm realizing. . .

Discussion in 'Coping After a Sudden Loss' started by Ray G., Aug 18, 2019.

  1. Ray G.

    Ray G. Well-Known Member

    That the loneliness I am
    going through is either
    driving me crazy or is as
    bad as going through the
    beginning of this grief all
    over again.

    Family SO does not get it,
    and will not get it untill
    they lose a spouse or some1
    very close.

    Mother's attitude is to just
    stay busy. Sounds like a great
    way to punish yourself. They
    just can not let any one see
    their human side. What a
    shame.

    I just don't know what to make
    of this. I know if I don't talk to
    a mental specislist, I am so
    screwed and the last people I
    would want to know is my
    family. I think that having to
    always be strong comes at a
    price, emotional well being?
    and if I or any1 goes through
    a lot, it will show up one way
    or another. I went through
    this once already, a nervous
    break-down. It is very sad
    and frightening.
     
  2. Kriss

    Kriss Well-Known Member

    Sounds so familiar to me
     
  3. TLD

    TLD Active Member

    I don't think anyone truly gets it unless they have experienced it themselves. Even then sometimes they grieve differently than we do. I am grateful for the small things that keep my mind preoccupied for a little while. But for someone to say stay busy...easier said than done when it takes everything out of you just to get out of bed in the morning. If and when you are ready to talk to a specialist that is in your hands, when you are ready for it. I know at some point i will probably have to do that too....i don't want to be a burden on my family and friends and it would be good to let this emotion out without worrying about how someone might feel about it or get certain feedback that although they are trying to help rubs me the wrong way. Please just know you aren't alone. There is so many of us hurting so much and feeling just as lost and helpless as you do. I just pray that one day we can all come out of this despair that we are feeling.
     
  4. Ray G.

    Ray G. Well-Known Member

    I did not want to be a burden
    but I see that will not happen. I have not asked to talk because
    of things that were said a while
    ago. No one has asked, "Would
    you like to talk?" When I did
    talk about it, Dad said, "Now
    tell me something important."
    I would have loved to smack
    him upside the noggin with
    a 2x4. So full of religion he
    has no room for kindness or
    compassion.

    I just have to start doing things
    I like to do and living life my
    way.
     
  5. TLD

    TLD Active Member

    Some people are like that just all about "business" no feeling or emotion. I've heard a few comments that kind of made my blood boil. But i guess i just have to take it with a grain of salt not everyone is as emotional as i am. We all have to do it in our own time. I don't know when and if i will ever get over it. But i have to do it my way....
     
  6. Ray G.

    Ray G. Well-Known Member

    Hello TLD,
    I do not want to get over it
    but through it. I was listening
    to Dr. Les Carter a pyschiatrist.
    Pretty good, I think. He was
    Talking about a religious
    'narcissist. I think my father
    Is one. If he thinks it is the
    truth, he will tell me and so
    cares not if he hurts my
    feelings. So effing big on
    The catholic church. All i
    ever got out of it is insulted.
    And he wonders why I do
    not go to mass?
     
  7. TLD

    TLD Active Member

    I understand i don't think i will get over it either. My mother is kind of the same way. Not to the point of your father but she can be pretty blunt at times and not realize she is actually hurting more than helping. I know one day we will be "ok" ...we can't let these people dictate our feelings and tell us how we need to heal. We will do it....one minute at a time.
     
  8. Ray G.

    Ray G. Well-Known Member

    Thank you SO much for
    knowing what I am going
    through. I am SO lonely,
    I have gone through and
    going through deep grief
    at the same time as re-
    locating. An awful lot to
    go through. I was blamed
    for putting 1200 miles on
    my fathers car. Talked to
    him and told him I did not
    do that."Figures don't lie."

    On top of all that bs I got.
    I am so lonely and
    depressed. No one in the
    family has ever asked if
    I wanted to talk and when
    I would talk, i knew then
    they really don't want to
    hear it.

    Thank you very much again
    TLD for listening.