... I was waiting for fireworks

Saturday, April 6, 2019

I was with my husband and his family at Disney World celebrating his moms birthday.

My mom was back home in St. Pete celebrating her birthday with a night out with her boyfriend (we will call him "B"). Her birthday was the 2nd. She just turned 56.

My husband, brother-in-law and myself decided to stay the night instead of making the 1.5 hour drive back home after a full 14 hour day at Disney. We had gotten back to the hotel, eaten our gas station pizza and settled in for the night. I was just about asleep when I started hearing the song from Cinderella - You know, the one sung by the mice while making her pink dress. "Cinderellie, Cinderellie, night and day its Cinderellie". I was confused because my brain thought "I'm not at the park anymore" then I realized it was my phone ringing, my grandmas name was on the screen. I looked at the time and it said 12:33 a.m., I knew it wasn't good. I answered and my grandma said that she and my sister were at the hospital and then I heard the 4 words I never ever wanted to hear. "Honey, your mom's gone". I dropped the phone and immediately screamed I just kept saying NO!!

My husband who was laying next to me kept asking me what was going on. I finally got out what was happening. We packed our bags and immediately left Orlando. My husband drove us in my car back to St. Pete. The normally 1.5 hour drive took us 39 minutes. I ran into the hospital ER, yelled at the ER front desk person because they had no clue who i was talking about when i asked what room my mom was in. I turned around and was about to just run through the doors when I literally ran into B. He hugged me in the biggest bear hug I've ever had and he walked me to her room.

My sister and her boyfriend were in the room next to Mom and grandma was over in the corner just staring at her.

She was lying there with the intubation tube still there (they had to leave it) but still looking as "fabulous" as ever. I sat next to her and grabbed her hand. I never realized until then just how much our hands look alike. They're almost identical. I sat there looking at her trying to memorize every bit of her face while also staring at her chest as if to try to make it move with my mind like some sort of superhero. "She's not gone, she's just sleeping. I was just texting her earlier tonight and she was fine".

B left the room, then my Grandma, then my sisters boyfriend. Eventually the M.E. got there and my husband said it was time to leave. It didn't feel right leaving there without her and knowing that was the last time I'd see her.

Come to find out weeks later it was as simple as "her heart gave out" and I think she knew it was going to happen. Just not when.

Now she's left behind my sister and I (22 and 28). She was our only parent. Our fathers are both deadbeats who want nothing to do with us.

Three months later and my husband is yelling because he's trying so hard to FIX the situation meanwhile I'm sitting on the bathroom floor of the house we just bought crying my eyes out yelling back at him trying to explain to him that I cant tell him how to fix it if I, myself, don't even know how.

Last night was the first night in our 8 year relationship that we went to sleep without saying "I love you". We say I love you every night before we go to sleep specifically for the reason that you never know when its the last time you get the chance.

P.S. I hope this all makes sense and its not too hard to read.

 

I

 

Merle