Hi everyone, I’ve been having a lot of issues with this period of grieving. I lost my dad on June 8th, 2019. He was diagnosed with liver failure in 2002 but literally always kept on. He was at all of my softball games, made dinner for us every night (he was a chef) and just... you forgot he was technically sick because he recovered so well when he stopped drinking. He started drinking again around 2011. It ruined our relationship. I couldn’t stand it and was so terrible to him in the hopes that he would see that the alcohol was the reason and would stop drinking. I wanted him to love me more than it. Looking back, especially knowing what I know now about addiction I feel so terrible for how I treated him. He got so sick from his liver failing and I just had no sympathy for it because I was still so resentful. He would ask me all the time “why do you hate me?” And that just circles my head constantly. There’s so much to my story, I’ll probably post more on it at a later date but that is what’s killing me. That deep, aching, guttural regret.