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I regret a lot

Discussion in 'Loss of a Parent' started by Tay21, Aug 13, 2019.

  1. Tay21

    Tay21 New Member

    Hi everyone,
    I’ve been having a lot of issues with this period of grieving. I lost my dad on June 8th, 2019. He was diagnosed with liver failure in 2002 but literally always kept on. He was at all of my softball games, made dinner for us every night (he was a chef) and just... you forgot he was technically sick because he recovered so well when he stopped drinking.
    He started drinking again around 2011. It ruined our relationship. I couldn’t stand it and was so terrible to him in the hopes that he would see that the alcohol was the reason and would stop drinking. I wanted him to love me more than it. Looking back, especially knowing what I know now about addiction I feel so terrible for how I treated him. He got so sick from his liver failing and I just had no sympathy for it because I was still so resentful. He would ask me all the time “why do you hate me?” And that just circles my head constantly. There’s so much to my story, I’ll probably post more on it at a later date but that is what’s killing me. That deep, aching, guttural regret.
  2. riverinohio

    riverinohio Well-Known Member

    I am sorry for your loss. I feel like regret is a wasted emotion. We are human and we make decisions at a particular time that we feel is right. We can only learn from it and maybe do something different in the future. Your dad had a lot of issues that you were trying to work through. You were trying to change him and we can't change people although we try. Don't beat yourself up. It is so easy to feel guilt when someone dies. You did the best you could and you suffered too from his alcoholism. Be kinder to yourself. I think what you are feeling is the regret that the relationship wasn't better. It's understandable to have been mad at him for his shortcomings. Don't accept the blame for it. I am sorry your relationship wasn't better but be kinder to yourself.
  3. donnafagone

    donnafagone New Member

    May I ask how old you are? I'm so sorry.