I need to see what I'm going to do now. Going forward. Need to pull up the boot straps and figure it out! I hate just barreling ahead in a fog, like a robot, just doing the immediate things that need to be done. I want to calm my nerves! I am trying in my head to accept "this is the way it's going to be.....you go forward alone. Figure it out!" ... I feel that I'll just be a robot with no purpose. Doing things that just HAVE to be done and not enjoying anything about any day.....I don't believe in suicide so that is definitely not an answer. Wouldn't do it anyway...so please, no one think that. But I'm terrified what will happen to everything (my fur babies esp) if something happens to me. Who's going to help me if I get sick like Jerry? No one.....I'm afraid I'll lose everything.....I don't want to move. Not an option I ever want to think about....I've got to at least see some kind of light at the end of the tunnel....I wish I could do things and not feel that whatever simple thing it is, that it's a tremendous effort to do it. The virus, of course, makes it all worse.