I need help

I lost my sister 5 months ago from an overdose. We were very close, she was 34. I have had depression for years now, but this.. this is something that I feel I cannot make it through. I do have wonderful friends and family, but still I feel they don’t understand, or can relate to how I’m feeling. My heart physically feels broken, and I constantly have thoughts of suicide. Before she passed I was such a “ go getter “ as she would say, very motivated. And now I feel lazy, it’s such a struggle to just get out of bed. Some days I don’t. Some days I cry the day whole day and go days without eating. Some days im mad some days I feel guilt, some days I try not to think about it. I know life will never be normal again. I’ve seen true colors from people I thought were my close friends. I read grief books sometimes and sometimes I write. I pray to her to get me through this. I just don’t know what else to do. If anyone has any advice I would truly appreciate it ♥️

 

I know exactly how you're feeling b/c my experience was vert similiar. In my case, she was 37 and overdosed on methadone prescribed by one of the premier teaching hospitals in California - UC Davis Medical Center. It enraged me that they could prescribe an opiate for ab obvious drug abuser. (This was 1999) Many of the symptoms you describe are very common grief symptoms. All I can say is get help from a therapist with experience in bereavement. Trying to get through this on your own will likely extend your grief while a therapist can help to shorten it through cognitive therapy. I have been to therapy for tragic deaths of mother, sister, first husband and will soon start therapy for sudden death of second partner. It sounds likw yoy have guilt feelings. Therapy can help you sort it out. Good luck

 

Sorry to hear about your sister. If you are not functioning, perhaps going to therapy will help. Also, know that you are not alone. Everyone here is grieving.

 

I think for someone who is new to grieving, they are shocked by how hard grieving is and the roller coaster ride it becomes. Our society is so grieving averse and there is the idea there is a set period of time to grieve and that is it. But that is not how we grieve and many of us are forced to hide it because people do not understand. That is why forums and in person counseling are invaluable.