I Miss My Mom so very much.....

Hello Everyone,
My name is Angela and i am 29 years old, and i am a motherless daughter. I lost my mom to the ugly breast cancer disease on May 2, 2018 so in less than two weeks we will be dealing with the second full year she has been gone. I ask myself every single day since she has been gone, how did I survive another day without her, how has she been gone so many years, days, minutes. I never imagined I could live a day without my mom and honestly i havent seen since she has been gone. Im just here, day in and day out. nothing makes sense in my life anymore and as this day gets closer im having a much more difficult time every minute. i try to talk to my family about it but they were all effected by her death and it gets way to hard to try and explain my true feelings. they say they understand and they do on a certain level but my mom and I were best friends and im not just saying that. I relied on her for support when it came to my life, we were always close. after she got sick in 2016 i was living away and i rushed home to be by her side even though she didnt want me to stop my life, but i think it took her awhile to realize that without her my life has no meaning and it doesnt anymore. i just wish i could connect with someone who understands and i could share more of my story with. never take your parents for granted bcuz i hate that alot of people know my pain and if i could protect others from it i would in a heartbeat. i miss my mom so much, there will never be the right words to ever measure up to my deep heartbreak that i will forever carry with me like it was today. thanks for reading.

 

Angela,

I am saddened to hear of the loss of your mother. When we lose our mothers, as I also have, we no longer have the comfort of the parent who gave us life itself. She watched over you all your years as you grew. When you were sick she nursed you back to health. Our mother’s loss is so very hard to accept.

Angela, how you cope, you live for the memory of what your mother meant for you. You think back to all the wonderful memories she gave you. How many times she wiped those tears from your eyes. Mended those cuts. Sat and told you stories.

My mother would sing to us. She had a beautiful voice. Her singing is what brought me into the world of music. I realized just how wholesome music can be.

Sure trying to talk with our very own family can sometimes be unsuccessful. The way I look at each loss that affects me is the relationship we had and whether they were a parent, a friend, a coworker, or some family member. Depending on which it is. the loss can be so much more meaningful to us than everyone else. So of course they won’t understand.

Angela, your mother was your support. You built a life around her. When you lost her your world seemed to come tumbling down. This absence of your mother is so hard for you to accept.

Having lost both my parents and my wife, and so many more losses in life, you tend to change your outlook and perspective as you face each new loss. The landscape of your life keeps changing as you suffer a loss. You have to find a way to adapt to your new life and go on.

Angela, the one thing you don’t ever want to do is give in to hopelessness as that can lead to depression and life can go downhill from there. I was treated for depression for five months, I no longer knew what to do, it just took control of me. A psychiatrist recognized I was falling, he reached out to me and helped me.

Of course words are sometimes meaningless to each of us. It just takes time to face our fear of life, to conquer our loneliness, to be able to face our loss, while still feeling it. I just know that for every loss I have ever suffered in life, those people are still with me in my heart, mind, and soul. I will forever hold them inside me and never let them go.

Please take care of yourself. Don’t be afraid to talk with others. By talking it out, over time those feelings you have gathered inside and still do, will slowly diminish in strength. Peace be with you today and the days that follow. Lastly, take each day slowly and be mindful of your well-being.

-david


This is a song I found for you

 

Hi Angela
Sorry to hear of your loss
Loosing my father Carl I felt in some ways the same as you
I had a lot of time not being able to commuicate with my father due to a disease he had
When Carl pasted away I was shocked at how much I was unprepared to deal with Carl's death
I to wonder how I make it day to day without Carl in my life I ignored my feelings about Carl's death for years now I am thinking of Carl in a very special way
When Carl would hug me he would always squeeze real hard and would not let go always a kiss after the hug an he would say I love you
Carl said I love you every day
I said I love you to Carl every day
Carl an I's Love is the only love I have ever known a father's love for his son an a son's love for his father
When I think of Carl today I love him my eyes leak water an I feel more aware of what is important in life
Thank you for sharing your life
I hope sharing my life with you has sent some feelings of love your way I hope you feel the love of your mother remember the love with your mother an heal your heart
You are loved by many people in this world
You Sharing your life is sharing your love
I want you to know how much love you have shared with your story has helped me share my life an thus sharing my love
Thank you
Angela You are loved

 

Hi Angela,
I am very sorry for your loss. Like you, my mother meant everything to me. She was my rock, she always had sound advice for me. She was my sounding board. It has been a short time and I feel the ache of her loss. I spoke to my mom almost daily and I told her at the end of the call, "I love you". For a long time it was hard for me to say this, though I came to believe how important that it was to say this to her. I just listened to the song by "Bread", which David shared with you and to us. I broke down. "I would do anything...just to have you back again..." The thing is, while my mother was here, I was fortunate that she was always available. She spent most of her time in her condo. She was an avid reader, she was an advocate for her family. I supported her in the last few years by doing her groceries. I would bring them to her place and put them away. It was the least that I could do. Though there is a part of me that feels like I took her for granted. After I heard that song just now, I was balling my eyes out, feeling so utterly powerless. I know that I will never see my mother again. And, I ask myself why it is we so easily take the ones we love for granted, when we know that "you don't know what you've lost until they are gone." I am in the early days of this loss, I want to get through this...though I believe that I have a lot more crying to do.
Be well and thanks for sharing your story.

 

Thank you for sharing how you remember your father. I recently lost my mother. Your story reminded me of my drive to the hospital to readmit my mother after an unsuccessful hospital discharge. My mother had been in the hospital for a month and a half. During this time, she lost a lot of strength due to muscle atrophy that people experience after a hospital visit. We were returning to the hospital because my mother did not have the strength to transfer from one place to another in her home. I thought we were going back to the hospital to get this checked out. Though I was struggling with the reality that my mother was losing her independence. My mother was strong, resilient and dealt with everything that came her way. On our way to the hospital, my mother grabbed my hand and told me that she was proud of me. And that she was thankful to me for how I was seemingly trying to advocate for her. It was one of those conversations where I think that she may have had some idea of what was to come. Though I was the driver who was going to take her to be admitted--They were going to find out what needed to be done to assure that my mother could live life with some assistance but with the independence that she always had. I honestly don't know where this is going now. Only, I find that the moments that I recall my mother being in her most vulnerable states are not the memories that I do very well with. My mother was an avid reader, a member of a book club within her condo; she loved plants and prided herself on the love that she brought to them. She was an incredibly literate writer. And, she was an incredible baker and chef. And she was an advocate for me and my family. She was thoughtful, modest and she lived a principled life. My mother was also stunningly beautiful when she was younger and one thing that grieved her was the impact to her appearance through the passage of time. I wanted pictures in her final years, though she discouraged me from taking them. I know that I thought that I wanted to remember my mother through images. Though perhaps what we want is not as important as what those whom you care about want. I love my mother, the grief is literally unbearable for me now. I don't do well with feelings, so I suppose expressing my emotions now is progress.

 

Hi Angela, sorry for your loss. I lost my mother on April 22, 2018. She had an autoimmune illness. She had back and knee problems for several years. I still miss our conversations. She always took the time to show an interest in me even though she was dealing with her physical problems. I'm finding it hard now because I can't go to support groups because everything is closed.

 

Seekinghope your welcome
Thank you for sharing the times with your mother I agree some of the last memories are difficult an deceptive at first
They do not compare to the whole life we shared with our parents an the many years of memories in love we shared
I admire YourStrength YourFortitude YourHeart YourLove You are incredibly powerfull
Remembering the early years with Carl has helped in the same way
Your mother's attributes: avid reader part of a book club a beloved gardener literate writter an incredible baker an chef most important being an advocate sharing love care respect and joy with you and your family are like Carl too
Carl was an avid reader, sportsman
cyclist swimmer boater traveler and
adopted six children of different color Thank you for sharing
I Support You I Care for You I Respect You I Love You
Your right what we want is not as important as those whom we care about want
Sharing your emotions is progress yes an helpful If you would like to share any memories of books food walks vacations holding hands an hugs you shared with your mother I would care to hear loving memories an stories
Please know you are loved by me and many people feeling the same We Love You We Support You We Care For You
I Love You
From:
Jesse
To:
Seekinghope
All love for you

 

Angela your welcom
From:
Jesse
To:
Angela

 

Hi Angela,

I am sorry to hear about the loss of your mother. I lost my dad on March 17, 2020. I used to think that there was no way I could go on if my dad was gone. My dad was one of my best and closest friends. I will always be the proverbial daddy’s girl. I imagine when we are reunited someday that the first thing I will do is climb up in his lap and tell him how much I have missed him. It seems that holidays are tough for me. We generally had a family get together for even minor holidays. Normally he would have had dinner with us today. It is something to get used to. I absolutely dread Father’s Day. If you’d like to chat, I’m here!

TJ