I lost my twin sister, Melody to suicide 2 months ago

Discussion in 'Suicide Loss' started by alexandriaraye, Apr 3, 2019.

  1. alexandriaraye

    alexandriaraye New Member

    It’s been 2 months, last week, since my sister Melody ended her life. It has been so traumatic for me and her ex. We both found her and we can’t stop thinking that it’s our faults..
     
  2. griefic

    griefic Administrator Staff Member

    I am so very sorry for your loss. There are many layers to loss and things like the closeness of our relationship and how they died can severely impact how well we're able to cope. With suicide there are so many questions, and survivors usually hold on to so much guilt and regret. There's no easy fix, and certainly me or anyone else telling you that "it's not your fault" is not going to help until you believe it yourself. I think the blame is as normal part of grieving as sadness is. Take your time to grieve. Let the sadness make its way in, because there is truly no escaping it. But with time, reflection, and insight, you may start to see the reality of the sadness and desperation that led your sister to take her own life, and how no one can ever truly be to blame for the actions of another.
    I'm including an article about survivors of suicide that I hope can be a help to you and your sister's ex: https://www.griefincommon.com/blog/suicide-overdose-5-things-only-survivors-understand/.
    I'm glad you have found us and I hope we can be a help to you. Please take care~
     
  3. ERIN MAURICE

    ERIN MAURICE New Member

  4. cclay

    cclay Member

    I'm so sorry for your loss. It seems to be common, that we blame ourselves for the loss of our loved one. I think we sometimes think that we could have done more, or somehow made the persons life better and saved them. But I think it's more complicated than that. When my son made his choice, the first thing I did was blame myself. I didn't even have an event in mind where I thought I created his suicidal thoughts, I simply decided that it must've been my fault.

    That was on the first days. I've sense had a little time to reflect and now believe that he made his choice long before he ever acted on it. He was just waiting for the right time. To me the reality is that for him, life was just to hard. To him, it was the only solution that he could see. The only way to end his pain. And there's just nothing I could have done to change that.

    I do hope that both of you find peace, because in the end it won't change a thing that has already happened.

    We can't change the past. We can however change the future by our actions of today and to me that's what we need to strive for. A brighter future.

    Chuck