I lost my husband, mother and a beloved boxer w/in the last 2 mos...

Oh, poor Ted and you! But it's always best to stay on the safe side with those things. Hopefully next week. I never would have thought that sign of diabetes in a dog. You taught me something to watch out for....
The tumeric helps your RA? Wish I had known that for Jerry's. I've read it helps alot of stuff. I think it helped Max's cancer a bit.
I'm so glad her lungs are clear. You will definitely be able to tell when it's affecting the liver/kidneys. Max started to hold water. He started to swell up a little. Then when that started, even tho he fought it every step of the way by trying his hardest to take whatever I offered him, he started his downward path. I even hand fed him everything. Tina's getting the best care possible. And all the love possible and believe me, she knows she's loved.....that's the most important thing........
That's funny how Ted lets them know if they are doing their jobs right. Imagine what he'd say if he could talk.
I'm fair. Trying to mentally get myself to stop shaking.....I'm waiting to hear from my manager "what the next step is".....It'll maybe be come back tomorrow to work or furlough out onto unemployment w/ins pd for 3 mos.....I definitely need to get back for the socialization if nothing else. But it's jumping onto the front lines with this virus....that's the ONLY reason I'm not back there yet.
I did get a 6 pm counseling appt for tonite. It was on her sched all of a sudden. Very weird.
I increased the cbd oil to 500mg hoping it would help the shakiness. Well, all it did was make me tremendously sleepy!~ And this was in the later afternoon that I took it....soooooooo I had to fight it off bc of being afraid of not being sleepy later on......
The septic man comes to do an inspection of our aerobic system today. I pay $40/mo and every 4 mos they come and check everything out. With the $40/mo if ANYTHING is wrong or needs replacing, it's free. We had to replace the whole box earlier in the year. It totally quit pumping bc of the electrical box. It was a mess. Jerry in hsp/rehab, me trying to work, and scheduling appts for Saturdays or service to be done while I'm at work....crazy. But definitely a good deal.
I have stuff to do but just want to veg out as usual and go blank......I guess I'll start making my list up and see if I can get anything done.

I hope you have a good day. It's dreary here....depressing

 

Yeah, I agree, I don’t want Ted to get it off and he reinjures it. Now I’ll have to pay for another X-ray, but he’s worth it. And with Duncan and diabetics, he was in a kennel while Ron and I were on vacation, and they told us, something seems off with Duncan but not sure what’s going on. He seemed fine for a couple weeks then we realized he was drinking water like crazy and seemed less active. And he got worse fast. He ended up at an emergency vet hospital. While they tested him to figure out what was going on. Was a difficult time for our little guy, and he already had spinal surgery.
Turmeric definitely helps RA in my hands, helps other joints but not as much as my hands. And I was taking CBD oil for RA but it mainly helps me sleep. The guy I get it from told me If it makes you sleepy you took too much. But I think you figured that out.
Hope your counselor was available today. And now you might be heading back to work. You’re probably right that the socializing that comes with work could be good for you.
Next week, June 4th is our wedding anniversary, would be 43 years. Not looking forward to that. I hoped to be in Florida with my son and my daughter would go with me but this virus is still an issue. Was supposed to spend Easter with him too. Today I went through cards he sent me looking for a nice signature to make into a necklace. It didn’t go great, too emotional looking through the special cards and loving words. Brought out a lot of tears. I’ll try again tomorrow. I do want to place the order. Won’t get here in time for the 4th, but that’s alright.
Weather was dreary here too. It’s ok to not do anything if that feels best, get up and move when you’re up to it.
Good luck tomorrow if you’re heading to work. ❤️

 

Well I'm not going to work today. I haven't heard back from my manager for approval for Monday. She was really nice and said they aren't pushing me either way. Said my 2 options are furlough for 3 mos and come back anytime in that 3 mo period or come back now. Also said that I could do every other day for awhile if it works for me. I'm thinking about that. I told her that I'd try Monday after my counseling session. If it went well, I would probably try the every other day. I told her if it didn't feel right for Monday that I'd text her. She was agreeable to that. So that was helpful.

The counselor really set my anxiousness into orbit! She said that basically since I'm not getting any younger that I need to sell the house and rent somewhere that would take the dogs. She seemed insulted when I told her that I wasn't raised to rent, that that was throwing your $ away. She was quick to point out the advantage if something breaks, the owner has to fix it. Ok. agreed. But why this discussion on the first day that I THOUGHT was going pretty well for lesser anxiety!? She put it into overdrive for me. Made me angry to say the least. She also give some pretty stupid advice saying that my sister in law was basically a stupid thought for a roommate (albeit I have to agree but there is no other choice at the moment and it's going no where right now anyway). She suggested that I put up a note on bulletin boards and search them and meet potential candidates for interviews at McDonalds some where.....I told her that at least with my sister in law I know her flaws.....I would still buy locks for my bedroom and bath but UGH!

Well with Ted being better safe than sorry is good as we know. You are taking wonderful care with him. I know that leg will be good as gold when it is all healed.
I'm glad that you told me about the other symptoms. I will watch out for those. So far I've been lucky that none of ours have shown those symptoms.

Oh, wow. I'm sorry you are dealing with so many emotions right now. Our 10th anniversary was 4/16/20. He passed on 3/19/20. I was still in my mental fog and cried the whole day. I have a ton of beautiful cards too. He picked out the most sincere and beautiful ones that always made me cry when he gave them to me. I've thought of reading them but just cant right now. I hope maybe you can maybe work it out to go with your son and daughter. Do you stay with family or would it be a hotel trip? Hotel probably not a good idea right now....I don't know anymore. 43 years is a blessing. I didn't make quite 10 yrs.

Thank you for the info on the cbd oil. Probably right.

I'm going to take some cbd and see if I can't get some more sleep. It's only 5:29am and I'm tired. I hope that your day is better but I know how you are feeling. I think that I'm trying not to think about Jerry too hard bc I know he's not coming back and I haven't faced it entirely. It's not over yet as far as breakdowns......


❤️

 

You've had compounded loss which makes it so much harder. I lost my fiance of 18 years, one month ago in a cycling accident where he broke his neck and died instantly. I'm a shell, that's all I can say. Dead inside or excruciating pain.

We have 4 dogs. One of these is edging closer as she's very old. Her legs are starting to get weak. She was daddy's girl. I hope I'll be OK when she goes because maybe she'll be with daddy. But, another loss frightens me. I'm holding on by my fingertips as it is.

No one can say anything to make you feel better. I can only say I feel your pain, I understand how excruciating it is. But, my thoughts are with you. It all sounds so trite for the depth of my feelings towards others in loss. But I hope you feel it xx

 

OMG that counsellor needs reporting!! It's not their job to give us advice, and pretty rubbish advice too! You do what feels right for you, but she sounds like a nightmare. I hope you find someone more empathetic xx

 

I feel your pain also. I sorry too that you are here and feeling pain and loss. I just can't get my nerves under control. I've always suffered from extreme anxiety but now it's worse. I shake. My legs feel like they are going to buckle. I'm unpredictable at work. So far just 1 small breakdown and no one was around. Thank you for your kind words here.

 

Thank you. I got rid of her but the last session made me really sick. I have to go through probate as there was no will. It's going to be a HUGE deal and cost $5000. I don't have it and can't handle all that right now. She knew that and kept insisting since I'm so anxious, to get it over with. I repeatedly told her I can't afford it! She said, "well, what are you going to do? Wait for a knock at the door?" I said, "Pretty much".....

 

I have to go through probate too. How come it's going to cost you that? Don't worry if you don't have the money, you will be okay. I've dealt with debt before, you cannot be forced to pay all at once if you don't have it.

It's poop worrying about all this stuff on top of trying to grieve. You'll be OK. We both will. I truly believe we will somehow get through this awful time xxxx

 

Thank you for that. I'm not rushing anything with all that probate stuff. I need to find legal aid and see what they say. That lawyer was very pompous. Very much a jerk. It is very sad we have to deal with this stuff and try to sort out all our emotions.

 

I am so sorry for your multiple losses. I too lost 3 family members between June & July. My dad, my sister, and my nephew, who was 30. I sat at his beside at hospice because his mom had died 6 days before, and I needed to be there.

Life and loving does an awful job of preparing us for the letting go part. I too have lost beloved pets. All these loses seem to dredge up all the ones before, and it shakes me to the core. I live in fear of losing the next lives one. I had dropped my sister off. She had kidney disease, she was not well, but I was not prepared for my mom’s call at 1am to say she died. I see her everywhere, and didn’t get to say goodbye. I am being strong for my mom. But, this has left a hole in my life, and every wind seems to blow right through.