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I lost my husband almost 5 months ago

Discussion in 'Loss of Spouse' started by Handcrafter2, Sep 1, 2016.

  1. Sharon Berry

    Sharon Berry New Member

    Hi, it’s nighttime again and a friend sent me this link to help me. I saw your post and can relate as I lost my husband of 40 years December 12th. I’m devastated and cry a lot and sleeping is just awful. How long does this pain and agony go on? Help
  2. Sharon Berry

    Sharon Berry New Member

    That was lovely words. I guess it doesn’t get better only different? I wish I could sleep any ideas?
  3. griefic

    griefic Administrator Staff Member

    Hi Sharon, If it's okay, I'm going to attempt to answer both of your questions. The first is especially hard: how long does this go on? The answer: it's different for everyone. Our relationship with the person who died, how it happened, how prepared (or not prepared) we felt we were...all of these issues can impact how we cope. Throw into this our ability to cope in general, as well as what kind of support system do we have (or not have) and in the end, the timeline is going to be so very different for everyone. Rather than trying to put an end time on it (because really...could the grieving of someone we never wanted to lose ever really end?) focus just on today, and just on what's right in front of you. What are you having for dinner? What show will you watch before bed? What shoes are you going to wear? Do these things seem completely insignificant at this point? Of course...and can these decisions feel more exhausting than they should? Yes. But the bottom line, these are the only things you have any control over right now. So just put one foot in front of the other and focus just on each moment as it comes. That's all any griever can really do.
    As for the sleep...we have an article we published a few months back, I will add the link here. I hope it can be a help to you: http://www.griefincommon.com/blog/howtosleepbetterwhengrieving/.
    If you have any other questions or if there is anything else you need, please let me know. We're here to help...
  4. Carolyn24

    Carolyn24 Guest

    My heart and Hugs go out to everyone here. I wish so much I wasn't. It's been almost 8 months now since I lost my husband of 37 years, in a car accident. I still find myself crying every day. Sometimes several times. I have 2 wonderful but grown and very busy children and only 1 friend I consider close, so very alone. I'm so overwhelmed with the things that need to be done. I find myself shutting down and just doing the absolute necessities and letting everything else go. I do some substitute teaching and see people who do care about me and always ask how I am. Of course I am miserable, and I don't know how to answer them. I usually just say OK or as well as I can. They are all so busy there isn't much time to talk, and I know they don't really know what to say to me. I understand cause until last September I never knew what to say when someone I knew had suffered a loss. What can you say besides how sorry you are. I find myself wanting to talk to someone but there is no one here to talk to. I found the book "It's ok that you're not ok" on audible and after listening thought maybe I could find a place to share my feelings on line. I wasn't sure if I should be replying to individual posts, especially older ones, so thought I'd just add my own post and see where this goes.
    So here I am.
  5. griefic

    griefic Administrator Staff Member

    Hi Carolyn, Thank you for being here and for sharing your story. I am so sorry for your loss. I think your experience is one that so many grievers can relate to. Loss leaves us in a fog - numb, and running on auto pilot. I think sometimes the early days and months of loss are just about getting through it. I don't know too many people who feel productive or efficient during this time, and that frustration can add to the changes you're already experiencing. More than anything, it's hard to feel like no one understands or that there is no one to rely on. There's a lot of different ways to connect here - replying to the posts is one way. You can also click on a users name and then "Start a Conversation", which will begin a private message. If you click on the "Make a Connection" and then "Find Others Who Are Grieving" you will find a form that allows you to fill out the criteria that's important to you (I also suggest not making it TOO specific) and then every member on this site who fits that criteria will be listed. You can reach out to individuals privately that way and find others who will understand.
    I think it's wonderful you are reaching out for help. It can make a difference, and we're glad to have you here. If you have any questions about the site or if we can be a help in any way, please let me know. Take care~