Hi, Don’t really know how to do this, very new. My brother killed himself almost 2 weeks ago. It was completely unexpected because he had been doing so good for so long. Just a month ago we were out buying garlic bread and singing to fergie. I don’t know what to do. It still hasn’t really hit me, I sat through the funeral without crying at all and I’m just using weed and food and sleep to cope but I don’t know what to do anymore. He had so so so much pain and I know there is nothing I could have done but I feel like there’s so much more I needed to say. He was my best friend, my saving grace from my rough relationship with my parents. He was a female to male transgender, so he was never really accepted by society. And that to me, is the one thing that is unforgivable. Why society couldn’t accept charlie for the fucking amazing funny smart stellar person he was, idek, but it is inexcusable. So whoever is reading this, if anyone, take this one thing to heart-No matter the color of someone’s skin, the way they look or act, the way they identify or the people they choose to love, EVERYONE DESERVES YOUR LOVE AND RESPECT. Don’t know why this is still something that needs to be said. He was my person, a better person than you can even imagine. ANd now I have all his clothes and his fucking cat and all of his things but no him. And my parents are hot messes and my house is silent and everytime I walk by his room I wonder how I am going to do this’s What do I do, how is this pain ever going to end. I just want him back because I love him so much and he was the best person I’ve ever known. Why are the best people are the ones with the most sadness? And why can’t people who love them take it all away?
Analise, I am so very sorry for the loss of your brother. He sounds like a truly amazing person. All loss is hard, but to lose someone so suddenly, and in such a tragic way, makes it even harder. When that person was also our confidant, and our go-to person, the one we trusted and cared for like no other, we can be left to wonder how we can possibly go on. I think the time will eventually come to figure out what comes next or where to go from here, but for now? You just grieve. As hard and as long as you need. The key is to find ways to do that that won't cause further hurt or pain down the road. We don't want to bury the pain or numb it with substances, food and distraction. Find a group, speak to a counselor, get support from any place you can - friends, family, acquaintances, coworkers.... Talk about your brother, say his name, share your memories, and keep him with you with the great love you shared. Let people know you're having a hard time, allow yourself to have a hard time and be certain to take good care of yourself. Treat your mind as you would your body after a very painful and traumatic event. In the future perhaps you work with transgender youth, or find ways to help others who may be suffering with acceptance as your brother did. Give his loss a voice, and perhaps find your purpose moving forward in the meanwhile. I'm so sorry this has happened but I'm glad you are reaching out for help and that you have found us. I truly hope we can be a help to you~
I am also new to this , my 15 year oldbrother took hi only life a month tomorrow and i am also dealing with this huge pain and anger i have inside of me, there's nothing anyone can say to make my pain any better and i completely understand what you are going thru, just know you are not alone and the feeling you are experiencing are completely valid... Sending a huge virtual hug down your way.
