I Just Lost the Love of My Life after 25 Years, Together

Discussion in 'Coping After a Sudden Loss' started by Fred, Jul 25, 2018.

  1. Fred

    Fred New Member

    On July 11, two weeks ago today, I lost the love of my life, my partner, my girlfriend, my confidant, my love. I am crushed, empty, and lonely. I feel so lost and do not know where to turn. I am so overwhelmed. My girlfriend had some health issues but was not sick when she collapsed, suddenly, two weeks ago and, within three hours, she was gone. The emptiness and loneliness are devastating. If anyone out there can help me try to make it through the night (and day), I would appreciate it. Thanks.
    Ann McHugh likes this.
  2. Sciguy

    Sciguy Well-Known Member

    Sorry to hear about the loss of your girlfriend. My mother died suddenly in May. Aside from some arthritis, we didn't know she had any other health issues. I don't have any words of wisdom for you, but I hope you find this site helpful - even if just to vent.
    Fred likes this.
  3. griefic

    griefic Administrator Staff Member

    Fred, I'm so glad you have joined us. I'm sorry to hear of the loss of your girlfriend. There is no easy way to lose someone we love, but when it happens suddenly there is no time at all to prepare. The shock can overwhelm us and disorient us and shake us to our foundation. Every part of our moments and our days are connected to those we share a life with and especially in these early days, the hurt and the triggers will be everywhere. Finding help from the very start can be what helps guide us through and I truly hope you find that here. Please take care~
  4. TreetopFarm

    TreetopFarm New Member

    It seems in your whole life you might meet that one person who you just know they are the one. You spend everyday happy and in love just because they are in your life. To feel the loss of that one person, to watch the light in their eyes leave and know that tomorrow they will not be there. This by far is the hardest things I've ever delt with and I know your pain. We just found out not even a month ago he had Stage 4 Cancer, He was here he was talking to me we spent the night before he passed together just he and I. I will treasure that more then anything because it is etched into my mind. How can you be talking, walking and there one moment and hours later gone from my life? The emotions that well up behind your eyes you find yourself crying for no reason..or that simple thing that pops in your mind that brings forth a memory of something special you two shared. My kids spent a month with me after he was gone afraid I would do something drastic, but since then I've been alone in this house we shared, On the land we worked together and built up. I walk in the same footsteps he had everyday and to feel the emotions you just can't hold back is hard. I am so sorry for you loss but the feelings you have are justified and true. Because I feel them too I now walk the same path as you so take my hand and allow this support come to you and know that your not alone and others are here with you walking that same path now in life. Smile keep your chin up and know your not alone in this any more. Blessed Be
    @APPY, Cora1961, Becka and 1 other person like this.
  5. Julie Brown

    Julie Brown Active Member

    So sorry for your loss. I lost the love of my life July 28th. I wasn't with him, he drowned. I lay in bed at night holding his leather jacket. I miss him so much! I talk to him while I am driving, and I started a journal but it's letters to him.
    Ann McHugh likes this.
  6. ChrisL

    ChrisL Member

    Sorry to hear about your loss Fred. I just lost my wife 3 weeks ago. We were together 28 years. I know how you feel!
  7. Julie Brown

    Julie Brown Active Member

    Fred, I lost my husband of 25 years,together for 34 years on July 28th. I am so sorry about your girlfriend. Do you mind if I ask what happened? If you don't want to talk about it yet I understand.
    I just had Todd's funeral Saturday and Last night was extremely rough for some reason. I was almost to the point of a panic attack.
    I wish i could tell you it gets better, but it hasn't for me. It does help when I talk about him. I have my melt downs 2-3 times a day. As i am sure you do too. Its ok to cry, its to be expected. Let the anger and pain out! I feel lost and empty and mad all at the same time. It's ok to feel that. It helps me talking with others that are experiencing the same thing. They know what you're going through. There are no words that anyone can say, there is nothing anyone can do to make it ok for you. I get that, I am experiencing the same thing. But know you are not alone and we are here for each other on this site and we will get through this!
  8. Becka

    Becka Member

    I write to my husband also. I’m sorry for your loss Julie. I lost my husband on July 4th. He was 54. I woke up that morning and he was gone. He was fine the night before. I sleep in his white undershirts every night. I miss his voice and our conversations. I miss his laugh most of all. I hope your grieving gets easier over time. I feel like mine is getting worse and I’m seeing a counselor.
  9. Michele Wood

    Michele Wood Well-Known Member

    To help with the pain, I constantly write letters to my partner Robert which I keep in a journal. Since his parents' graves are o nly an hour away (they both died on the same day) I visit their grave once weekly on Saturday. I take my two border collies. I put down a blanket and write letters to them which I then read to them and put it in a ceramic container. near Robe r t Sr's grave abd which has a picture of Robert and I. I talk about their son and how much he meant to me. It helps express my grief and my love.
    Ann McHugh likes this.
  10. Michele Wood

    Michele Wood Well-Known Member

    All those emotions you feel with a sudden death? They w e re surreal and still are, nine weeks later. I felt like I was going crazy. There had been no time to prepare so the shock was overwhelming.
  11. Julie Brown

    Julie Brown Active Member

    Becka, Thank you. I too am sorry for your loss. It is so hard. I agree it is getting worse rather than better. I have been holding off on a counselor because I am going back to MN (where we are from) and on the 29th we are having a memorial back there for the family and friends that couldn't come out to WA for the memorial we had here.
    I just feel so lost without him. I have been going through all his tools (he was in construction all his life) and that is so hard to do. I am doing it because i cant really afford the rent for the storage,
    I would give anything to have him back. I am finding it hard to even go to work or even get up for that matter. I feel whats the use? July 28th I lost all that I had. I just struggle on how to go on.
    I hope you aren't going through what I am going through. And if you are, how are you coping?
    JoNas likes this.
  12. Todd W

    Todd W New Member

    Fred I know exactly what you're going through I lost my wonderful and beautiful wife suddenly don't know what to do either don't know what to do don't know what to eat I've been laying here don't know how to sleep 30 years together lost her four and a half months ago still can't sleep right still can't eat right everyone says take things day by day that they don't feel the way we feel hope this age brings you some blessings
  13. Marian T Bingham

    Marian T Bingham New Member

  14. Marian T Bingham

    Marian T Bingham New Member

    I know how you feel I just lost my love on Nov. 5th from metastatic pancreatic cancer . He was fine up until Oct. 15th and had a blood clot in his leg . The it just snowballed from there . I miss him so much , I've been having so much anxiety and panic attacks and that is not the type of person I normally am . I consedire myself a very strong woman but this has devastated me .
  15. Diane Thea

    Diane Thea Member

    Day by day, Fred..day by day...I'm so sorry for your loss.
  16. Cora1961

    Cora1961 Well-Known Member

    Marian, I do know how u feel. I also lost my husband to cancer in October 2019. He only lasted about 6 months after we found out. It’s heartbreaking, lonely and sadness every day without him. I try to put on a good face but I am so tired of it . But I feel people are so tired of me too. I just want to crawl in a hole and stay hides for a while. People just don’t understand how it is to watch others go on with their lives when you’re so traumatized by your loss. Even your children don’t understand. When they complain about something so stupid in their lives and I just want to scream at them that they have a wonderful life with their partners and children, don’t take it for granted but they won’t understand. It’s sad but true that some day they will. Hope you are doing better then me with this misery. God bless
  17. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    I see you’re struggling, you’re right people don’t understand. If they haven’t gone through this type of loss, there’s no way they understand. One day they will. Ron and I talked about everything including the impact it would have on the other if one of us passes. Knowing it would be painful and the hardest part of our lives. But here I am today, alone, and what I thought I would feel and what I am feeling is a bazillion times worse. I’ve tried to let people know how horrible this feels. My brother and his Wife are the only ones who seem like they kind of get it. Here in NY , we’re allowed to eat at restaurants with tables outside, they invited me to join them for pizza with outside seating. It felt so good to be with and see people. I believe this social distancing, is hurting all of us as we try to heal. And not just people grieving, other people are feeling it too. Not like we’d be out doing a lot but we could go in a store without a mask or have a friend over for coffee, see people.
    What makes me feel the best is doing things Ron would be proud of, or things that honor him. I’ve made a memorial garden that I tend to each day. Some days it’s so good for me other days it makes me sadder. Because I don’t want a memorial garden I want Ron back. I made a new gate, that Ron would be impressed with and I’m opening our pool. Things that get my blood flowing seem to help me the most. There are days I have to push myself to get up out do something and then I usually feel some better.
    There is no time frame for mourning, we are all different in how we go through this process, but Cora, you’re only at 8 months. Be kind to yourself, keep letting the tears fall, keep letting the frustration out. I hate seeing happy couples doing mundane things I’m jealous. Or worse, couples fighting or bickering, that upsets me. Ron and I never said cross words to each other, I guess I can’t say never but we didn’t let things go on and certainly never I needed public.
    I kept trying to find things to keep my mind occupied, I’ve always loved to cook, now I have no one to cook for, I love to sew, no desire. Plus we had an upholstery business together, that sewing is different from a home sewing machine but I makes me sad to think about. I love the outdoors, nature and always loved gardening so that’s how I started with the garden I made. It does make me feel good. Cora, I hope you can find something that can take your mind off things, even if just for a while. To me, the garden being for Ron helps too.
    I know you’re visiting your brother next month, and you have that to look forward to. That’s great.
    There are better days ahead, there has to be, keep working towards them.
    @APPY likes this.
  18. Cora1961

    Cora1961 Well-Known Member

    Thanks Robin for the talk. It’s so nice to see that others understand. I did talk to my daughter about somethings but u know I hate being a burden on her , she has enough to deal with. I know she tries to understand and she wants me to talk to someone but I told her that I am not ready for that. I am excited to go to my brothers in July, just hope Arizona doesn’t get locked down again. People are so stupid here taking their lives and everyone’s lives for granted. We are having a lot of cases here because people are not listening. Now they are making it mandatory to wear a mask outside. If everyone would just realize the heartbreak of losing someone close to them then maybe this world would be a better place. I like the idea of your garden, I don’t have a green thumb but a few years ago my husband found some pots and I started my cactus plants. I planted aloe Vera cactus and they grow fast. I had to tell my husband no more pots lol. I have six big ones that he got me so I take care of them but cactus is easy. I also have our two cats Smokey and whitey. Whitey was his baby from the start and my husband spoiled that cat like crazy. So now he is always on me all the time so trying to train him to calm down like Smokey is. Poor whitey misses my husband like crazy and he cried for a few months after. It’s crazy how animals know. My son and sister take care of them when I am gone. It’s going to be a hard day tomorrow because of Father’s Day so I hope ur ok. I am still at my daughters but I am ready to go home and have some time before I go to Michigan. I am glad you are keeping busy too, I told my daughter last night that I have to stay busy so I don’t go crazy. Even if it’s just laundry or cleaning up after the kids. She sure has her hands full with the three kids and the oldest was so use to school if they don’t go back, she will probably drive her mommy crazy. Kids need an out let to and I think it’s good for the oldest to be in school plus it gives mommy a break. They said August but who knows with this virus. I think everyone is getting on everyone’s nerves lol. I am thankful that I don’t have to work either but sometimes I do miss it, just for somewhere else to go. I am sure u do since you had your own business. I loved being retired before my husband passed but now it’s just not the same. Well I guess I have talked enough. Hope you are safe and talk to u soon. God bless
  19. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    I’m certainly not a counselor, but I do understand and I’ll talk to you every day. With no pressure, just talking each other through our difficult time. I talk to my daughter, like you mentioned with your daughter. Stacey and I were and are each other’s best support, she is in a better place then I am but I am doing better. Today will be rough, we’re planning a bbq, just like we would if Ron was here. Doing things on his behalf to help us through the day.
    I hVe a little dachshund, Ron surprised me and found a litter and then took me to pick him out. He misses Ron and sometimes I still see him search for him. I wonder if his cat feels your husbands presence. I know Ted(dachshund) has felt Ron. Sometimes out of no where he jumps up and I see him sniff the air. Sometimes I feel Ron’s presence and I see ted does too.
    It would be great if your daughter gave you some things to do to help her and help you. Busy for me is the best way. No time to sit and miss and think of the what if’s etc.
    I hope you get through today ok and I’ll be back later. My daughter and I planned a busy day to help us through. Sorry to cut this short, but it’s getting late.
    Thinking of you, I know today will be difficult.
    @APPY likes this.
  20. Billfromwa

    Billfromwa Well-Known Member

    Can you email me?