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I hate you cancer!!!

Discussion in 'Loss of Spouse' started by Prison wife, Feb 7, 2019.

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  1. Prison wife

    Prison wife Member

    Has anyone lost their spouse while in prison?
    My husband died in my arms at the prison hospice less than 3 months ago. Liver cancer
     
  2. Annalese

    Annalese Member

    I am so sorry for your loss. No my husband was not in prison but died in my arms. It is a feeling that is more than a person is equipped to handle. It has haunted me every day for seven years and never goes away. My pain is with you. God bless you.
     
  3. Prison wife

    Prison wife Member

    Thank you. I’m sorry for your loss as well. Thank you for responding.
    I close my eyes and see his face, the last moment. He was in a lot of pain because of the cancer, and the liver failure changed the color of his skin. He looked different. I had my arm under his neck and when I pulled it out, his head stayed tilted up, is mouth was opened as if he was screaming in agony.
    I’m afraid I’ll only remember that face, I’m afraid of forgetting what his face looked like before he got so sick. I don’t know anyone whose had the same experience so I have not been able to share this with anyone . It feels so good to finally tell someone.
    Thank you
     
  4. Annalese

    Annalese Member

     
  5. Annalese

    Annalese Member

    I cannot tell you how sorry I am for you. Try to focus on the fact that he was in your loving arms during those final moments. We will never know, but it is said that the dying, though unconscious, cannot speak or respond, are aware of your presence and hear your words. That is what consoles me. Yes, I remember so clearly the look on my husband's face when he took his last breath and it will haunt me the rest of my life but I truly try to focus on the fact that I had the opportunity to hold him in my loving arms. I shed tears as I read your story because I know all too well your feeling. No matter where they were, cancer has no boundaries. It strikes like satan...without regard for anyone or anything. I wish I could hold you and give you a hug. And I also wish I had magic words to say it will get better. For me it has not. Some people can move on. I tried but cannot let go of the feeling of my loving husband in my arms for hours gasping for each breath. I rejoice, as should you, he knows you were there with him. I went 6 years before I could tell anyone my story of how my husband died in my arms and how he too suffered from cancer throughout his body. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Sometimes I find it hard to pray but that is all I have. I put my trust in the Lord that someday we will be together again. Please stay in touch. We can be support for each other. ❤
     
    Prison wife likes this.
  6. Prison wife

    Prison wife Member

    I had a very hard time reading your response through all the tears.
    I was with him for only an hour before he passed. I don’t think he recognized me as he looked right through me. there were a few moments when he was very agitated and thirsty and then he wanted me to rub his belly. I thought he was in pain from his liver, but now I wonder if it was his lungs. Once he settled down I held his hand and had my arm around his neck. He only gasped for air for a minute or so. I had forgotten about that until I read your words. I was so fortunate to be with him during his last hour because it is very unusual in prison. I was able to tell him I loved him and that he should go be with God and not worry about me because I would be just fine… That’s when he took his last breath.
    I’m sorry to write all of this but it’s the first time I’ve been able to share that with anyone. Thank you for sharing your story because it’s helped me tremendously.
    I posted something that I had written for his birthday last month and for our anniversary 2 days ago. I’m not sure where they’re posted on here because I didn’t know what I was doing. I’m hoping you find them, and read them. No one has been interested and I would really like for someone besides me to read them, but I understand if I if you decide not to.
    Thank you for all your kind words and I pray to be able to be of help for someone as you have for me.
    May God richly bless you and comfort you
     
  7. Annalese

    Annalese Member

    I did find your postings. I am so truly sorry. I too have a difficult time getting around this site. I found it amazing that his ashes blew back on you. I would think that was him holding on to you!!!! And as for even getting them on your lips, it was his final kiss to you. How sweet that must have been. And of course, if that had happened to me my husband would have laughed at me. He always laughed at me when I did crazy things. I told my story on this site quite some time ago also and got no responses so it feels good to be able to help you and share my story at the same time. If you would like to chat off this site please feel free to do that. My e mail is sharonmorse1@comcast.net I would be more than happy to continue our support for each other that way. Omg. It is amazing... My last words to my husband were "go fly with the angels, go up to heaven" and "I will be o.k. I love you" and he took his last breath. My husband started with lung cancer and it spread to his stomach, liver, colon, and he had 3 brain tumors. He lived for only 3 months after he was diagnosed. It is amazing we are chatting today. This has been a very difficult day for me. I have been crying off and on all day for no reason except I miss him. I want him to hold me and tell me everything will bs o.k. You too will have these days. So be prepared and don't let people tell you when you have grieved long enough and it is time to move on. No one who has lost a loved one in such a way understands. Bless you and hope to hear from you on my e mail.