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i had a good day yesterday and felt terrible about it

Discussion in 'Loss of Spouse' started by susan beaulieu, Jun 19, 2021.

  1. susan beaulieu

    susan beaulieu Active Member

    i woke up this morning determined to be depressed.
    my brother had told me last night that i sounded fantastic.that he was proud of me & to keep doing what im doing(i was emotionally very sick before my husbands death & a hospitalization saved my life)
    But the nerve of me!smiling joking having a good ole time!
    how could i betray my husbands memory like that!so soon after his death!
    In addition i had felt as tho i had forgotten the memory of my dad..we had stopped talking bout him altogether
    i even googled my feelings but came up with nothing useful.
    as i retreated to my room w my breakfast my daughter asked...wasnt i going to join them?
    so we talked(my three daughters w 2 boyfriends)& we laughed we remembered we vented & they reassured me.
    its an eb and flow..a wax and wane..a rollercoaster of many different feelings.
    im normal in my own way
    im not a bad person
    we agreed
    my husband
    and even my dad
    would be very very proud
     
    RLC likes this.
  2. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    Susan,
    Everything you’re saying and feeling, the emotions being up and down are all so normal. You shouldn’t have guilt for having a good day, but we all do it to ourselves. Your breakfast with your daughters is just what you needed. We all need times like that. Talk of memories, emotions, thoughts, supporting one another, is perfect. For me the best support came each night. My children, and I and one spouse all spent each night together in our living room on couches and air mattresses. In disbelief of our loss, we shared stories, talked about our loss and missing him so much, how can this be real. Someone was always crying and others supporting. A sad time but a special memory. Thank you for sharing.
    Robin
     
    susan beaulieu likes this.
  3. Sweetcole

    Sweetcole Well-Known Member

    Hey how are you? You explained it right when you said a roller coaster of feelings. Thats exactly what it is. Don't feel bad because the memories are suppose to make you feel good. We all have up and down days. Some days I can talk about things and be emotional other days I can talk about it and smile. It just shows the strength we have inside.
     
    susan beaulieu likes this.