I lost my best friend today, my husband. He had been drinking (He hid it well) for about two years and I had no idea. We separated at the beginning of this year (2019) It was an uncommon living situation. We lived in the same house with our children (he slept in a different wing if the house). He started turning yellow in September. This is where I found out he had been hiding his drinking from me for more than a year. Flash forward to last night. He was put on hospice care. I was doing his vitals and giving meds. He was having pain, and his bp was low. He looked at me and said he was scared. I assured him I am right there for him. 20 mins and two doses of pain meds later, he had me call 911. An eventful four hours went by, he was calling for me, pleading with me to be with him again and he will fix everything. Then he was intubated but his heart kept trying to stop. I currently am reliving his pleads and seeing how afraid he was. I did what I could to let him know I will always be there for him. We didn’t work out as a couple; but even though I began dating again- I always considered us soulmates and best friends. He was sweet and thoughtful. I feel like I didn’t do enough. I feel like it’s my fault. It should’ve been me for dating again, for wanting to be independent. .