I died when he died

Discussion in 'Coping After a Sudden Loss' started by Lillady7215, Apr 7, 2019.

  1. Lillady7215

    Lillady7215 New Member

    I lost my love of 13 years Feb. 5, 2018. He was my rock, my everything. That day I had to go to work while he had off. He was just getting better after he got terribly sick. Doctor said he had pneumonia. I always called him every time I had a break just to talk to him. On my last break at 1:30 I called him like I always do. He was telling me he wasnt feeling well. Told him when I got home I would keep the kids occupied so he could get some rest. Well I got done with work at 2:15 and our kids school called me and told me that they were still there. I thought that was strange cause he was supposed to pick them up at 2. So on the way to go pick up kids I tried to call and text him but no answer. So headed home figuring he just didnt feel good to go get them. Well pulled into driveway and their was his car. Ok good he was home, he didnt get in to a accident when he went to go pick up the kids. But the garage light was on. Go inside and the downstairs light and laundry room light was on. Something did not feel right to me. I went downstairs to our bedroom. There he was laying on the bed. He wasn't laying on the bed like he was sleeping it was like he was sitting on the edge and just fell backwards. I knew right there he was gone. Yelled at the kids to go upstairs and called 911. That was the longest 10 min of my life. Trying to save him and yelling at him that he wasnt allowed to leave his kids and me. I self meditated myself the first 8 month. I was so angry so scared, I just didn't want to feel anything. So after 8 months I had to come back to reality for our kids. They needed me as much as I needed them. That's when my greiving started and to this day.
     
  2. KarenP

    KarenP Member

    I feel so bad for you. Your loss reminded me of my grandpa's death. My grandparent's were away for vacation at Cape Cod. My parents and my brother and I were away also in another country. My grandpa went to the bathroom and Nana heard a thud. She had to be there alone while waiting for my uncle's to drive to pick her up over 2 hours away. Nana said she got through the grief by calling a friend every night.....I call it the bewitching hour, when you are truly all alone. Nana said she would call her friend and tell her the same stories over and over until she was cried out and tired. I never knew who that friend was. I know, now in life and as we get older, we do not have the people we can call at 1 in the morning and they will stay with us until we are tired and cried out. I hope posting gives you some relief. I lost my mom a month ago. I am self-medicating and am angry, scared and alone. My only companion most days is my dog. I am doing very well at pushing people away.
     
  3. Lillady7215

    Lillady7215 New Member

    It's been hard for me, I wish I had that friend I could cry to every night. I just have my dogs and cats I can talk to. I talk to his urn sometimes. That gets me really sad then very angry and I want to throw him out the window. I've been trying not to self medicated myself again, but its the only way I can get some sleep. I'm am so lonley.
     
  4. Lillady7215

    Lillady7215 New Member

    My condolences to you.
     
  5. KarenP

    KarenP Member